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The Great Mailman Fake-Out Make-Out

5 May

May 5, 2017

Quick! Who are the randiest civil servants?
Mailmen! They always bring their packages special delivery.

BA DA BOOM!

Not funny you say? Maybe not, but it’s true! Check this out!

Let’s do some math! 1,300 kids / 87 years = 14.9 kids per year. Of course that’s assuming he started fathering kids right out of the womb. So let’s say he started at 18. That’s 1,300 kids / 69 years = 18.8 kids per year. Wow, busy guy. Kind of makes me look pretty lame. I was way, way below his rate of 18.8 kids for 2016, and 2017 is looking even worse. (My doctor keeps telling me to switch to boxers but do I listen? NooOoo.)

This has to be true, right? After all, postmen (INSERT YOUR OWN DIRTY “PACKAGE” INNUENDO RIGHT HERE.)

“I have nothing to be ashamed of. The 60’s were the good old days and I did a great Johnny Cash impression which played out real good with the ladies,” he explained.

“Some even thought I was Johnny Cash for real,” he recalls laughingly. “I don’t know if they really believed it or if they were trying to convince themselves, but who was I to say no to a quickie?” he acknowledged.

Probably not Johnny Cash.

But seriously, it is true, isn’t it?

No, it is not. (Drats!)

Once again the truth gets in the way of a good story.

Click on the image of the famous mailmen below to read another story of a mailman with his own definition of a stocking stuffer at Christmastime.

Also, if you can stomach it, click on the randy gentleman below to read about Japan’s famous senior citizen porn star.

 

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Mr. Blog’s Party Advice (Imponderable #133)

27 Dec

December 27, 2016

happy-new-year

Dear Mr. Blog:

I am throwing a big New Year’s Eve soiree and I am inviting the crème de la crème of society. Nearly the entire Wayne Rogers Junior High marching band will be there! But I have a problem that I hope you can help me with. I don’t want to be a laughingstock at my next algebra club meeting. 

How is a combination of cake and ice cream to be served? On a dessert plate or in a bowl? How is it eaten? Fork or spoon? Is it ever proper to eat from a plate with a spoon?

HELP!

(Signed) Bruin Z. Othello, AKA Myron from the Block

Dear Myron

This is just the sort of letter I’d toss in the trash over to Mr. Know-It-All’s desk but he’s been locked in the men’s room since last week. However, Myron, I found a good substitute. This is an actual answer to your question from Miss Manners. Yes, she is still alive… sort of.

GENTLE READER: Have you ever tried to eat ice cream with a fork?

You needn’t. Contrary to what many people believe, Miss Manners assures you that etiquette is not out to trick you. When dessert is both textured and runny or gooey, both a spoon and a fork should be available.

It would also be too much of a challenge to have to eat cake from a bowl. The ice cream is properly placed on top of the cake, so that any melting will be absorbed before getting to the plate.

“Too much of a challenge to have to eat cake from a bowl”??? Seriously? Miss Manners’ dictionary must have a different meaning of the word “challenge” than mine does.

Is it too hard to put the cake in a bowl, plop some ice cream on top of it, and eat it all with a spoon? If you can’t eat a piece of cake with a spoon and need to break out a fork to do some heavy lifting, you are A: serving the wrong kind of cake or B: clearly doing something wrong with your life.

Myron, what kind of a person can’t figure this one out?
The question is Imponderable.

blank imponderable header

And in case anyone was wondering, that was an actual letter to Miss Manners from just last week. Sigh, I weep for the world. Somewhere in Europe there are starving kids who would eat a piece of cake with their bare hands out of a tiger’s mouth and people here worry about which utensil to use? This is why I hate people.

.

 

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