Tag Archives: Mr. Know-It-All

Sneek Peek: Coming Soon! May 2018

10 May

May 10, 2018

It’s me again, Your Man Inside BMJ2k.com. And let me tell you, it stinks around here. The Editors and Staff constantly leave old tuna sandwiches laying around, and Mr. Know-It-All is still squatting in his office, despite not writing a word a word for the website in months. And with no shower around here, he’s pretty gamy. 

(Well, it’s not technically true that he hasn’t written a word in months. We find his bizarre political screeds scribbled all over the walls of the ladies room.)

But there is content to come! Coming Soon:

Mr. Blog returns to his favorite subject: pizza. Specifically, subway pizza. No, not the sandwich shop Subway, he’s talking about underground trains and pizza. Will the Pizza Rat make an appearance? No.

Mr. Blog also takes a look at sexism and tipping. And he’ll harken back (harken?) to some past experiences chronicled in this very blog to prove his point.

All this and floating specks of contamination, coming soon to Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride.

 

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Mr. Blog’s Party Advice (Imponderable #133)

27 Dec

December 27, 2016

happy-new-year

Dear Mr. Blog:

I am throwing a big New Year’s Eve soiree and I am inviting the crème de la crème of society. Nearly the entire Wayne Rogers Junior High marching band will be there! But I have a problem that I hope you can help me with. I don’t want to be a laughingstock at my next algebra club meeting. 

How is a combination of cake and ice cream to be served? On a dessert plate or in a bowl? How is it eaten? Fork or spoon? Is it ever proper to eat from a plate with a spoon?

HELP!

(Signed) Bruin Z. Othello, AKA Myron from the Block


Dear Myron

This is just the sort of letter I’d toss in the trash over to Mr. Know-It-All’s desk but he’s been locked in the men’s room since last week. However, Myron, I found a good substitute. This is an actual answer to your question from Miss Manners. Yes, she is still alive… sort of.

GENTLE READER: Have you ever tried to eat ice cream with a fork?

You needn’t. Contrary to what many people believe, Miss Manners assures you that etiquette is not out to trick you. When dessert is both textured and runny or gooey, both a spoon and a fork should be available.

It would also be too much of a challenge to have to eat cake from a bowl. The ice cream is properly placed on top of the cake, so that any melting will be absorbed before getting to the plate.

“Too much of a challenge to have to eat cake from a bowl”??? Seriously? Miss Manners’ dictionary must have a different meaning of the word “challenge” than mine does.

Is it too hard to put the cake in a bowl, plop some ice cream on top of it, and eat it all with a spoon? If you can’t eat a piece of cake with a spoon and need to break out a fork to do some heavy lifting, you are A: serving the wrong kind of cake or B: clearly doing something wrong with your life.

Myron, what kind of a person can’t figure this one out?
The question is Imponderable.

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And in case anyone was wondering, that was an actual letter to Miss Manners from just last week. Sigh, I weep for the world. Somewhere in Europe there are starving kids who would eat a piece of cake with their bare hands out of a tiger’s mouth and people here worry about which utensil to use? This is why I hate people.

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