Tag Archives: Bruin Z Othello

Mr. Blog’s Party Advice (Imponderable #133)

27 Dec

December 27, 2016


Dear Mr. Blog:

I am throwing a big New Year’s Eve soiree and I am inviting the crème de la crème of society. Nearly the entire Wayne Rogers Junior High marching band will be there! But I have a problem that I hope you can help me with. I don’t want to be a laughingstock at my next algebra club meeting. 

How is a combination of cake and ice cream to be served? On a dessert plate or in a bowl? How is it eaten? Fork or spoon? Is it ever proper to eat from a plate with a spoon?


(Signed) Bruin Z. Othello, AKA Myron from the Block

Dear Myron

This is just the sort of letter I’d toss in the trash over to Mr. Know-It-All’s desk but he’s been locked in the men’s room since last week. However, Myron, I found a good substitute. This is an actual answer to your question from Miss Manners. Yes, she is still alive… sort of.

GENTLE READER: Have you ever tried to eat ice cream with a fork?

You needn’t. Contrary to what many people believe, Miss Manners assures you that etiquette is not out to trick you. When dessert is both textured and runny or gooey, both a spoon and a fork should be available.

It would also be too much of a challenge to have to eat cake from a bowl. The ice cream is properly placed on top of the cake, so that any melting will be absorbed before getting to the plate.

“Too much of a challenge to have to eat cake from a bowl”??? Seriously? Miss Manners’ dictionary must have a different meaning of the word “challenge” than mine does.

Is it too hard to put the cake in a bowl, plop some ice cream on top of it, and eat it all with a spoon? If you can’t eat a piece of cake with a spoon and need to break out a fork to do some heavy lifting, you are A: serving the wrong kind of cake or B: clearly doing something wrong with your life.

Myron, what kind of a person can’t figure this one out?
The question is Imponderable.

blank imponderable header

And in case anyone was wondering, that was an actual letter to Miss Manners from just last week. Sigh, I weep for the world. Somewhere in Europe there are starving kids who would eat a piece of cake with their bare hands out of a tiger’s mouth and people here worry about which utensil to use? This is why I hate people.



Dear McDonald’s Corporation

22 Feb

February 22, 2016

TO: Director of Operations, McDonald’s Corporation <DirectOps@McD.chzbrg>

FROM: Bruin Z. Othello <BigDaddyBruin@cheapohost.com>

RE: Business Opportunity

To Whom It May Concern:

I am a third year film student at Millburn University. As such, I am in a unique positon to offer you my services. I am interested in obtaining your financing to produce my documentary “Mayor McCheese: Civil Servant on a Bun.”

I propose to delve into the little-known history of the iconic Mayor and beloved burger shill. This documentary will answer the questions the public has about Mayor McCheese. What are his duties as Mayor of McDonaldland? What do his constituents think of him? Where did they find a grill big enough to cook his head?

I envision this filmed in a stark black and white first-person style, similar to my freshman production “Burger King: Whatever Happened to the Whaler?” All I require from you is the financing to buy film, equipment, assistants, and miscellaneous expenses.

Together, we can make this film a reality. Mayor McCheese has been in the public eye for many years, and now we can shine a light on this public personality’s private background.

Thank You

Bruin Z. Othello

McDonaldland's first three-term Mayor!

McDonaldland’s first three-term Mayor!

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