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Tag Archives: mailman

There’s Something Odd Going On Here.

12 Sep

September 12, 2017

For many, many years, my building had the mail delivered by one regular postman. Other than his regular summer vacations, he was always here at about 1:oo. At some point his route changed and he started coming at 4:00, but whichever time he was supposed to be here, he was here.

He was really good and dependable. Packages were brought to our door and we knew him, and he knew us, by name and friendly greetings. Eventually he retired and of course for years now our mail service has sucked. He was probably the only good mailman in Brooklyn.

Everyone loves 1950’s clip art!

I’ve detailed before how packages get stolen in my building, letters don’t arrive, and the postal carrier shows up anywhere from noon to six pm. (But I will give him credit. Most of the mail ends up in the correct boxes, at least half of the time.)

But lately the mail has been showing up at close to 8 pm. This can’t be a regular route. What postal worker is out delivering mail at that hour?

And it gets odder. I’ve seen the mailman twice. Both times he was delivering the mail with an “assistant,” an older woman that has to be his wife. She doesn’t wear a uniform and takes mail out of a school knapsack.

Also, I get a service from the USPS. They email me pictures of my mail that is scheduled to be delivered that day. For a while it was spot on, now the letters in the email arrive about three days later. If at all.

So am I right in assuming that much of my mail is sitting in that guy’s living room, along with piles of other people’s mail that my carrier may never get to because he has fallen so far behind?

 

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The Great Mailman Fake-Out Make-Out

5 May

May 5, 2017

Quick! Who are the randiest civil servants?
Mailmen! They always bring their packages special delivery.

BA DA BOOM!

Not funny you say? Maybe not, but it’s true! Check this out!

Let’s do some math! 1,300 kids / 87 years = 14.9 kids per year. Of course that’s assuming he started fathering kids right out of the womb. So let’s say he started at 18. That’s 1,300 kids / 69 years = 18.8 kids per year. Wow, busy guy. Kind of makes me look pretty lame. I was way, way below his rate of 18.8 kids for 2016, and 2017 is looking even worse. (My doctor keeps telling me to switch to boxers but do I listen? NooOoo.)

This has to be true, right? After all, postmen (INSERT YOUR OWN DIRTY “PACKAGE” INNUENDO RIGHT HERE.)

“I have nothing to be ashamed of. The 60’s were the good old days and I did a great Johnny Cash impression which played out real good with the ladies,” he explained.

“Some even thought I was Johnny Cash for real,” he recalls laughingly. “I don’t know if they really believed it or if they were trying to convince themselves, but who was I to say no to a quickie?” he acknowledged.

Probably not Johnny Cash.

But seriously, it is true, isn’t it?

No, it is not. (Drats!)

Once again the truth gets in the way of a good story.

Click on the image of the famous mailmen below to read another story of a mailman with his own definition of a stocking stuffer at Christmastime.

Also, if you can stomach it, click on the randy gentleman below to read about Japan’s famous senior citizen porn star.

 

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