Archive | June, 2021

Zipcar Sucks. Period.

20 Jun

June 20, 2021

Zipcar is a car sharing service in which you rent a car and pick it up at a public location, usually a parking lot. I’ve used them three times and it has been a problem every single time.

TRIP 1. There was no car available in my area so I had to book one a twenty minute ride away. I wasn’t too upset (yet) since Zipcar would reimburse me for the cost of my trip. So to be clear, I was taking an Uber to get to the car I rented. (Problem #1.) But when I got to the public municipal lot the car was parked in, it wasn’t there. So I had to take another, half hour, ride to another Zipcar even further away. And when I retuned the car to that location, I had a now 40 minute Uber ride back home. Convenient? NOT.

TRIP 2. I managed to book a car in a location only a short walk away. Sound good? Yes. Smell good? No. The car was filthy and stunk like someone had eviscerated an antelope in the back seat.

How did it look? Judge for yourself.

So I called Zipcar and they gave me two options. I could get another car, with the very minor caveat that the only other available car was in another borough, or I could run this one through a car wash and they would reimburse me.

Screw that, I am not doing their work for them. I shoved the trash in the trunk (let Zipcar worry about it) and drove around with the windows open. After only three hours it was breathable in there.

TRIP 3. Today is Father’s Day and knowing it would be hard to get a car, I rented one close by three weeks in advance. And two days before the trip, I got notified that due to an issue with the car, I was being switched to a car a half hour trip away. What was wrong with the car? I don’t know. I called customer support to complain and the guy on the other end, who was clearly simply reading from a script, informed me, through a thick internationally outsourced accent, that the car was unavailable due to, well, I don’t know. Unless the car really did have schmegma dripping out of the tailpipe, I couldn’t understand him. And that is not the worst part. That’s when I got to the car and it would not unlock. Since Zipcar has no physical rental locations to get keys they do everything over their app, including sending a signal to unlock the car. Oh, there are keys, they are just locked inside the car until Zipcar sends the unlock signal. And this car would not unlock. So I called customer support and they could not unlock it, and they had no one that could, you know, show up with a key and unlock it, and of course, this being Father’s Day there was not a single car available at all.

Yes, I called customer support and ranted and raved, and yes, I spoke to a “supervisor” (who may have been the same guy, I swear they sounded so much alike) and no, I accomplished nothing except I got to use “ugotz” on a recorded call, which has been a goal of mine for quite some time.

So, no I am not spending this Father’s Day with my family. SCREW YOU, ZIPCAR.

Vrooom-A-Zoom Zoom!

18 Jun

July 18, 2021

Amos: I’m a Zoomer now!
Me: What?
Amos: I’m a Zoomer. I’m zooming!

That’s Amos, who works for me. He’s a crack investigator whom I once avoided for 20 minutes by the cleaver ruse of simply walking two feet behind him and slightly to his left.

Amos has a little trouble with technology.

Amos: This cellular phone isn’t working.
Me: What’s wrong?
Amos: I can’t find the antenna. I think it must have fallen off.

I had to set up a Zoom meeting for Amos so he could get some training from an outside contractor.

Amos: That’s what you call people who do Zoomer meetings, isn’t it? Zoomers?
Me: Yup. You’re a Zoomer.

Amos has gone through 4 cell phones since I have known him, about 3 years. They never seem to work right. They all have the same problem: user error. Amos has no idea how to set up a contact, so every time I call him- and during the week I may call him four or five times a day- I have to tell him who’s calling when he picks up since he doesn’t recognize my number.

Amos also cannot receive email on his phone. There is something wrong with the settings on all his phones, he tells me. He’s gone to his local Staples to fix it and they always tell him they can’t find anything wrong. Amos says it is a scam to get him to buy a new phone, which he usually does.

When I want to send a case to Amos, I have to email it from a coworker’s account since Amos has somehow blocked me on his email, which he has to go to Staples to access and someone there has to “pull the email off the computer” for him.

My boss recently bought a fax machine for Amos. That was nearly three months ago. It is still not working. Amos has called in the phone company, the company that made the fax machine, and tech support from a number he saw on a flyer on a pole, and they all agree that there is nothing wrong. Amos is so far behind that he is flailing about like a trout on the line trying to figure out the fax machine, a piece of technology that is nearly obsolete.

Amos does not have a home phone line and is dependent on his cell phone (a disaster in the event of emergency) so in order to set up the fax he needed a phone line put in, which will cost him $30 a month. He asked my boss to reimburse him for that. My boss, who is notoriously cheap, agreed to pay it based on my advice.

I told him why not? The odds are he’ll never figure out how to use it anyway and he’ll send it back.

Go Speed Amos Go!

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