May 1, 2021
Dear readers, Mr. and Mrs. Blog are once again looking for a place to live. For reasons I prefer to keep to myself, our old place was no longer meeting the needs of a pair of globetrotting iconoclasts such as ourselves (and our cat.)
(On a completely unrelated note, if anyone would be interested in buying a slightly singed and smoke damaged sofa, or some only partially burnt pants, drop me a note. Ha ha, I kid because it’s true.)
Well, as part of my brilliant plan to see every lousy house in Brooklyn, a plan which I pinky-swear is not at all motivated by my lack of money but only motivated by sense of ironic humor, I toured a home which, after some long thought and soul-searching, I declared was a house that people only move out of, not into.
But that’s not to say that it didn’t make me think. Below is a rough sketch of the layout of the last apartment I saw. It isn’t to scale, but it is close, and I did not exaggerate it one bit.
BEHOLD!
You are reading that correctly. The bathroom is in the kitchen, directly between the stove and the dining room table.
Now, if you spend as much time in the bathroom as I do my cat does, you can see the obvious convenience.
On the other hand, without being too graphic, there are some, um, “obvious drawbacks” to having the toilet three feet from your breakfast burrito. And speaking as someone who hosts lavish dinner parties, it can be unseemly when the Archbishop excuses himself from the Vichyssoise and the rest of the party can clearly hear his “business affairs.” Let alone smell them.
This is not the first time I have seen an apartment where the bathroom is uncomfortably close to the kitchen, but this is the first time the bathroom has actually been in the kitchen.
(Meanwhile, I have a singed loveseat to go with the burnt sofa, and there is a charred sport coat with most of the lapels still intact that matches the only partially burnt pants. I’ll toss in some waterlogged sneakers too.)
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Mr. Blog's Tepid Ride 
So sorry to hear about what sounds like a disaster. Hope everything works out for the best!
I’d give that place a skip–the bathroom so close to the (gas?) stove could be an explosion hazard!
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Lol, that’s true! (And yes, the backstory is not only a disaster but a tragedy, fortunately not a tragedy for my family. It could easily have been though. Not a story I care to tell, but on the other hand, this marks the first mention of my cat in this blog.)
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That bastard
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That b-stard
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I find it incredible that nobody’s thought of placing four toilet bowls around a table in the kitchen, yet. That way, the family would spend a lot more time together. Sharing is so important!
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Ha! I had the idea for a recliner that had a built in refrigerator and toilet but I like your idea better.
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Not my sweet little kitty#
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