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Fall 2019 Short Story 1

7 Sep

September 7, 2019

The days are getting shorter, nights are getting chilly. Time for a story.


 

It was such a pretty kitten, so pretty. Lindsey wanted to pet it, to stroke it with her fingers, but…

Why couldn’t she? She was so tired, oh so tired. She wanted to lift her arms, to reach out, to touch the pretty little kitten. But she was oh so tired, and her arms hurt so much…

It was grey, she thought, grey, maybe, with white spots? It was hard to tell. The light was dim, and her eyes just couldn’t see well. Why was it so hard to see?

Pretty little kitty, sitting there, just a few feet from the bed. It was making a little mess, lapping up the water with its tongue, getting little spots on its fur.

Who gave it water? Lindsey could almost recall, then could not. Little kitty, getting all wet. Couldn’t they put that water in a bowl?

She wanted to lift her head, to see if the kitty had spilled the water but she couldn’t. And the effort made her so dizzy.

Oh little kitty, could you come here? I don’t know where I am anymore. Why is that puddle on the floor? That dripping… Oh, it’s so dark…

… I almost fell asleep, kitty, here you are, lying on my chest. I’ve never seen a cat with red fur. All around your mouth. I, I oh, I’m so tired. I was sure this would be faster…

… sweet kitty, giving me kitty kisses… I’ll miss you, I think…

 

And the little kitten licked Lindsey all over her face, leaving little trails of Lindsey’s own blood up and down her cheek.

 

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Gwyneth Paltrow Vs. Dracula

14 Oct

October 14, 2017

The horror is all about us this month. The temperature dips, the sun sets earlier, the moon rises, and Halloween nears. Werewolves stalk the woods and vampires seek their prey. It is a good thing we have a protector, a direct decedent of Professor Van Helsing.

I am of course talking about the traditional foe of the undead, Gwyneth Paltrow.

In case you missed it, noted intellectual, nuclear physicist, and Mensa member Paltrow is selling vampire repellent on her website, the accurately named goop.com.

It’s a real thing, check it out. The ingredients include such well-known anti-vampire ingredients as sound waves, moonlight, and love. Now me, if I were selling a quack vampire repellent, I’d use sunlight, not moonlight, but hey, that’s just me. The vampire repellent handed down in my family for generations includes sunlight, garlic, and pure anger.

Now to be fair to the clueless Ms. Paltrow, this is actually made to repel psychic vampires, and those are much harder to defend against than the blood-sucking types. My old Dungeons and Dragons Monster Manual says they deal 1d6 points of damage + 1d6 points of damage for every two power points spent. Whatever that means.

But if you are a fan of stuff like this, no matter what your brain issue, you can also find other awesome(ly expensive and ridiculous) items on her site like an energy-cleansing aromatic mister and a rose quartz egg designed to increase sexual energy. I appreciate the fact that instructions are not included online for that item.

Whether the vampires are psychic or blood draining, it seems to me the only suckers here are the ones paying money for this stuff.

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