Archive | cat RSS feed for this section

Conveniently Inconvenient

1 May

May 1, 2021

Dear readers, Mr. and Mrs. Blog are once again looking for a place to live. For reasons I prefer to keep to myself, our old place was no longer meeting the needs of a pair of globetrotting iconoclasts such as ourselves (and our cat.)

(On a completely unrelated note, if anyone would be interested in buying a slightly singed and smoke damaged sofa, or some only partially burnt pants, drop me a note. Ha ha, I kid because it’s true.)

Well, as part of my brilliant plan to see every lousy house in Brooklyn, a plan which I pinky-swear is not at all motivated by my lack of money but only motivated by sense of ironic humor, I toured a home which, after some long thought and soul-searching, I declared was a house that people only move out of, not into.

But that’s not to say that it didn’t make me think. Below is a rough sketch of the layout of the last apartment I saw. It isn’t to scale, but it is close, and I did not exaggerate it one bit.

BEHOLD!

You are reading that correctly. The bathroom is in the kitchen, directly between the stove and the dining room table.

Now, if you spend as much time in the bathroom as I do my cat does, you can see the obvious convenience.

On the other hand, without being too graphic, there are some, um, “obvious drawbacks” to having the toilet three feet from your breakfast burrito. And speaking as someone who hosts lavish dinner parties, it can be unseemly when the Archbishop excuses himself from the Vichyssoise and the rest of the party can clearly hear his “business affairs.” Let alone smell them.

This is not the first time I have seen an apartment where the bathroom is uncomfortably close to the kitchen, but this is the first time the bathroom has actually been in the kitchen.

(Meanwhile, I have a singed loveseat to go with the burnt sofa, and there is a charred sport coat with most of the lapels still intact that matches the only partially burnt pants. I’ll toss in some waterlogged sneakers too.)

.

Fall 2019 Short Story 1

7 Sep

September 7, 2019

The days are getting shorter, nights are getting chilly. Time for a story.


 

It was such a pretty kitten, so pretty. Lindsey wanted to pet it, to stroke it with her fingers, but…

Why couldn’t she? She was so tired, oh so tired. She wanted to lift her arms, to reach out, to touch the pretty little kitten. But she was oh so tired, and her arms hurt so much…

It was grey, she thought, grey, maybe, with white spots? It was hard to tell. The light was dim, and her eyes just couldn’t see well. Why was it so hard to see?

Pretty little kitty, sitting there, just a few feet from the bed. It was making a little mess, lapping up the water with its tongue, getting little spots on its fur.

Who gave it water? Lindsey could almost recall, then could not. Little kitty, getting all wet. Couldn’t they put that water in a bowl?

She wanted to lift her head, to see if the kitty had spilled the water but she couldn’t. And the effort made her so dizzy.

Oh little kitty, could you come here? I don’t know where I am anymore. Why is that puddle on the floor? That dripping… Oh, it’s so dark…

… I almost fell asleep, kitty, here you are, lying on my chest. I’ve never seen a cat with red fur. All around your mouth. I, I oh, I’m so tired. I was sure this would be faster…

… sweet kitty, giving me kitty kisses… I’ll miss you, I think…

 

And the little kitten licked Lindsey all over her face, leaving little trails of Lindsey’s own blood up and down her cheek.

 

.

 

 

 

 

%d bloggers like this: