Tag Archives: stupidity

A Tale of My Father: The (Almost) Burning Man

26 Mar

March 26, 2018

My father was a man who had quite a lot of stories, and I can vouch that they were true. Stuck in a rioting hoard of women on Black Friday, calling Macy’s to complain about their Santa at the Thanksgiving Day Parade, or refusing to take off in a small plane from the shortest runway of an airport high on cliff, he had some interesting things to talk about. 

This one is short, and though it happened long before I was born, it could have had a dramatic impact on my life.

When he was younger, my Dad-to-be and some of his friends took a road trip. The details of when and where aren’t important and I’ve long forgotten them if I even ever knew them. I want to say they were teenagers but knowing Dad and some of his friends, they were probably in their twenties but acting like teenagers. 

So they were driving and it was getting late and they stopped for gas. One guy got out and was pumping while Dad and the others took the opportunity to stretch their legs. Well, they guy pumping the gas thought it would be a hysterically funny joke to turn the nozzle on Dad and soak him with gasoline. And another friend thought it would be even more hysterically funny to chase Dad around the car with a lit cigarette lighter. 

You can see where this is going.

Almost, almost!

Natural selection nearly took a hard left turn that night but either Dad was a faster runner back then, or his cries of “what the FUCK are you doing?” got through this friend’s thick skull and Dad escaped immolation and lived to laugh about it later.

It’s a wonder I’m here to write about this.



Star Wars Card Trading on eBay: Not Getting Your Money’s Worth

16 Aug

August 16, 2015

People are stupid. They’ve always been stupid. That’s no surprise to anyone who has ever tried to drive down Bay Parkway in Brooklyn. There, the rule of thumb for pedestrians is “there are no cars. None. Bay Parkway is an empty street. Shut your eyes and meander randomly in the middle of the road.” In other words, when driving down the stretch of Bay Parkway that runs from about 65th to 70th streets, you can expect to have to slam on your brakes and swerve out of the way of people who decide, for no logical reason, to cross, stand, stop, or eat lunch in the middle of the street. Walk and don’t walk signs are a foreign (language) concept to most of these people. Red lights? Green lights? Doesn’t matter since no one looks at them anyway. Is it a good idea to stop in the middle of crossing against traffic in the middle of the block to take a sip of your egg drop soup as you step out from between two trucks? No, but it happens anyway.

But as stupid as people are, they are getting stupider. Here’s proof.

Someone will buy these!

Someone will buy these!

There’s an app called Star Wars Card Trader. You can use credits to buy virtual packs of cards that you can trade with other people on the app. Many of the cards are rare or limited. Like real cards, the contents of the packs are random. They cost nothing to buy, though you only get a small number of credits per day. Helpfully, Topps allows you to buy more. But remember, you don’t have to spend a penny and the cards are free.

Most cards range from 5,000 to over a million printed. Some are as few as 50. But recently, Topps came out with a card limited to 10 and the users went crazy, spending all kinds of real money to buy credits to get this virtual card which does not physically exist and has no monetary value at all.

And according to the terms of the user agreement, you don’t really own any of these cards, Topps does, who can delete or revoke them anytime they want.

But people went totally gorilla-balls nuts for this ultra-rare card and you can find a few on eBay for $900 – $950.

Crazy! Who the hell is going to buy these? And I have no doubt they will be bought. What will you do with a card that can disappear as soon as the internet falls apart? Once again, I think the economy must be amazingly strong if people are buying these. Either that or people are getting stupider by the day.

But it gets worse. Topps made so much money selling credits to people who didn’t get the card that they released yet another ultra rare (and ugly) card. And you know what? Despite all the grumbling, moaning, and complaining on the message boards and forums, the users went gorilla-balls crazy and spent mucho dollars on credits again.

Pink Vader? Is he the new Hello Kitty?

Pink Vader? Is he the new Hello Kitty?

If there is a character less suited to pink I don’t want to know. But at least the seller for this one has helpfully allowed you spread your stupidity over six months. This way, instead of one regretful purchase, you can regret it all over again every month when the bill comes in.



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