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Tag Archives: a Tale of My Father

A Tale of My Father: The (Almost) Burning Man

26 Mar

March 26, 2018

My father was a man who had quite a lot of stories, and I can vouch that they were true. Stuck in a rioting hoard of women on Black Friday, calling Macy’s to complain about their Santa at the Thanksgiving Day Parade, or refusing to take off in a small plane from the shortest runway of an airport high on cliff, he had some interesting things to talk about. 

This one is short, and though it happened long before I was born, it could have had a dramatic impact on my life.

When he was younger, my Dad-to-be and some of his friends took a road trip. The details of when and where aren’t important and I’ve long forgotten them if I even ever knew them. I want to say they were teenagers but knowing Dad and some of his friends, they were probably in their twenties but acting like teenagers. 

So they were driving and it was getting late and they stopped for gas. One guy got out and was pumping while Dad and the others took the opportunity to stretch their legs. Well, they guy pumping the gas thought it would be a hysterically funny joke to turn the nozzle on Dad and soak him with gasoline. And another friend thought it would be even more hysterically funny to chase Dad around the car with a lit cigarette lighter. 

You can see where this is going.

Almost, almost!

Natural selection nearly took a hard left turn that night but either Dad was a faster runner back then, or his cries of “what the FUCK are you doing?” got through this friend’s thick skull and Dad escaped immolation and lived to laugh about it later.

It’s a wonder I’m here to write about this.

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The Chinese French Fry Theory

26 Aug

August 26, 2017

This theory, like many others, began with my Dad but it was quickly adopted by me and for years I lived by its simple precept: 

Never buy food from a Chinese restaurant that serves French fries

It makes sense. It really does. 

  • If someone goes to a Chinese restaurant and orders French fries, it stands to reason that they are not big fans of Chinese food.
  • If enough people go to a Chinese restaurant and order French fries that the restaurant puts it on the menu, it stands to reason that most of their customers do not know much about Chinese food.
  • If most of a Chinese restaurant’s customers would rather order French fries than fried rice, it stands to reason that the restaurant has no incentive to cook really good Chinese food.

So in other words, French fries on a Chinese menu are an indication that the Chinese food isn’t too good. 

Ditto with chicken wings. 

Chicken wings with French fries is NOT a Chinese dish!

 

 

 

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