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Tag Archives: death

A Tale of My Father: The (Almost) Burning Man

26 Mar

March 26, 2018

My father was a man who had quite a lot of stories, and I can vouch that they were true. Stuck in a rioting hoard of women on Black Friday, calling Macy’s to complain about their Santa at the Thanksgiving Day Parade, or refusing to take off in a small plane from the shortest runway of an airport high on cliff, he had some interesting things to talk about. 

This one is short, and though it happened long before I was born, it could have had a dramatic impact on my life.

When he was younger, my Dad-to-be and some of his friends took a road trip. The details of when and where aren’t important and I’ve long forgotten them if I even ever knew them. I want to say they were teenagers but knowing Dad and some of his friends, they were probably in their twenties but acting like teenagers. 

So they were driving and it was getting late and they stopped for gas. One guy got out and was pumping while Dad and the others took the opportunity to stretch their legs. Well, they guy pumping the gas thought it would be a hysterically funny joke to turn the nozzle on Dad and soak him with gasoline. And another friend thought it would be even more hysterically funny to chase Dad around the car with a lit cigarette lighter. 

You can see where this is going.

Almost, almost!

Natural selection nearly took a hard left turn that night but either Dad was a faster runner back then, or his cries of “what the FUCK are you doing?” got through this friend’s thick skull and Dad escaped immolation and lived to laugh about it later.

It’s a wonder I’m here to write about this.

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Imponderable #127: The Strange Death of Dwarf Ramsay

15 Feb

February 15, 2016

This is old news. It is from 2011 but just this weekend popped up on my Facebook feed. (That’s an Imponderable right there.)

gr1

To recap: Percy Foster, dwarf-porn lookalike of Chef Gordon Ramsay, died under what is being understated as “bizarre circumstances.” He was found partially eaten in a badger hole. Crack investigators have not ruled out suicide.

Okayyyyy.

Well.

All I know is, if there is a better headline than “Gordon Ramsay’s dwarf porn star lookalike found dead in badger den half eaten” I haven’t read it.

With all his money, he’s buying a soda stream? Jeez, if you can afford a BMW you can afford name-brand soda.
Why couldn’t he buy Pepsi?
The question is Imponderable.

 

There have been 126 previous Imponderables from the news. Check them out starting here with #1.

 

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