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DC Comics: Why Hasn’t This Happened Yet?

15 May

May 16, 2022

SCENARIO # 1

Superman saves Metropolis from a satellite falling out of orbit. He deposits the wreckage in Shuster Park, where he uses his super strength to mold the metal into a modern art sculpture.

Later that night, Lex Luthor lifts some fingerprints from the sculpture, and uses his evil computer to run the prints through every database on Earth.

Ten seconds later, a match. “Clark Kent is Superman!”

Shouldn’t Superman wear gloves?

SCENARIO # 2

Batman defeats Bane after a vicious slugfest in front of City Hall. Bane’s strength nearly proves too much for Batman, breaking several bones and covering Batman in his own blood.

Bane is taken to jail, Batman returns to his cave, and CSU arrives to examine the crime scene.

“Hey,” thinks one of the crime scene techs., “Batman’s blood is all over the street. I wonder…”

A few hours later, the tech runs Batman’s DNA and finds a match. “Bruce Wayne is Batman!”

Shouldn’t Batman clean up his own mess?

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Quarantine All-Stars

22 May

May 23 2020

All of us at GOMALCO Industries care for our employees. You know us the company that brings you such housewares as Mrs. Anderson’s Industrial Nicotine For The Home, Do-It-Yourself Crime Scene Cleanup, Quik Baby Nap Inhalable Sleep Powder, and of course, Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride.

As part of our dedication to you, our valued consumer assets, we wanted to check in on the Mr. Blog Tepid Team to find out why the heck they have produced nearly no blogs this past year despite cashing their paychecks, those ungrateful  how they are coping with the recent COVID-19 situation.

We first looked in on the Editors and Staff, and assorted hangers on.

We tracked down BMJ2K “fan favorite” Norman Snackmunch. GOMALCO Industries takes no position on his lifestyle, other than to point out that as an at-will freelance employee we will not cover any health-related expenses, such as gastric bypass or an extra-wide coffin.

Another alleged favorite is Greg “Always Hammered / The Hammer” Valentine. As you may recall, he has not changed his facial expression in years.

Has the coronavirus had any effect on this man?

No it has not

Speaking of unhealthy guys who never change, we tracked down Mr. Know-It-All. It wasn’t hard, we just followed the smell.

Of course, not everyone is having a rough time of things.

I HAVE BEEN PREPARING FOR THIS MOMENT FOR YEARS!

How about the rest of our crew? Click on the thumbnails for more.

 

Allan Keyes could not be reached for comment.

GOMALCO Industries hope that you are doing well in these trying times. If you are feeling overwhelmed or find yourself in need of some help, please consider our line of GOMALCO Fine Wine And Sanitizer. Thank You.

 

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