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Quarantine All-Stars

22 May

May 23 2020

All of us at GOMALCO Industries care for our employees. You know us the company that brings you such housewares as Mrs. Anderson’s Industrial Nicotine For The Home, Do-It-Yourself Crime Scene Cleanup, Quik Baby Nap Inhalable Sleep Powder, and of course, Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride.

As part of our dedication to you, our valued consumer assets, we wanted to check in on the Mr. Blog Tepid Team to find out why the heck they have produced nearly no blogs this past year despite cashing their paychecks, those ungrateful  how they are coping with the recent COVID-19 situation.

We first looked in on the Editors and Staff, and assorted hangers on.

We tracked down BMJ2K “fan favorite” Norman Snackmunch. GOMALCO Industries takes no position on his lifestyle, other than to point out that as an at-will freelance employee we will not cover any health-related expenses, such as gastric bypass or an extra-wide coffin.

Another alleged favorite is Greg “Always Hammered / The Hammer” Valentine. As you may recall, he has not changed his facial expression in years.

Has the coronavirus had any effect on this man?

No it has not

Speaking of unhealthy guys who never change, we tracked down Mr. Know-It-All. It wasn’t hard, we just followed the smell.

Of course, not everyone is having a rough time of things.

I HAVE BEEN PREPARING FOR THIS MOMENT FOR YEARS!

How about the rest of our crew? Click on the thumbnails for more.

 

Allan Keyes could not be reached for comment.

GOMALCO Industries hope that you are doing well in these trying times. If you are feeling overwhelmed or find yourself in need of some help, please consider our line of GOMALCO Fine Wine And Sanitizer. Thank You.

 

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My Review of Wayne of Gotham, by Tracy Hickman

27 Dec

December 27, 2018

I guess there is only one Batman story possible, because in Wayne of Gotham we’ve seen it all before. Batman reopens the Wayne murder case. Again. Thomas Wayne may have been mixed up with criminals, or been one himself. Again. A rift between Bruce and Alfred. Again. The writing was good enough to keep me reading but the plot? Nah. And the characterization? Since when does millionaire playboy Bruce Wayne disguise himself as an invalid and have Alfred push him around in a wheelchair, in the privacy of his own estate, in the hopes that a paparazzi will jump a fence and snap his picture a ‘la Howard Hughes? When was Alfred promoted from butler to Bruce Wayne’s public relations flack and a high level Waynecorp officer? To be fair, this book suffers from coming out within just a few short years of Grant Morrison’s amazing Batman run, which dealt with the Wayne murder and Bruce’s backstory in a much more interesting way. (DC is once again dealing with this in their current comics.) It is just a shame that Hickman felt that the same ground had to be covered yet again. Where is the originality?

Now that I have finished the book, I have a few questions. When did this take place? It claims to be Batman’s final case but there is no sense of where this occurs in his career. Where were Dick Grayson or any of the regular supporting Bat-cast? And worse- did Tracy Hickman know anything at all about Batman before starting the book? Batman has always been about the man inside the suit, not about the Batsuit, yet Hickman seemed enamored of the technology. Tons of words were wasted on the gyros in the Batsuit, the power cells in the utility belt, the way the Batmobile connects to the power grid. Is this Iron Man or Batman? In Iron Man the technology is a vital part, in Batman it is merely there. The Joker’s quote from the 1989 movie had it right- “where does he get those wonderful toys?” They are just toys, tools, nothing more; yet to read this book, you’d think it was Tony Stark in the Batman outfit.

This Batman was full of doubts and paranoia. He had none of the confidence of the Batman we have known for years. I found myself not caring about him.

The Joker had a tiny, bit part, probably because Hickman assumed the Joker turns up in every single Bat story. He was used to zero effect here. And again, does Hickman know anything about the Batman universe? The Joker was described as wearing old, cracked white greasepaint. No, the Joker’s face is white already, no paint needed. How did an editor let that slip by?

By the end, the plot had grown confusing and uninteresting, the characters were either unlikable or poorly characterized, and the writing average. I give the book one star because aside from all my criticism, the real problem with the book is that the plot was horrible and not only did not hold my interest, it seemed designed to confuse and annoy the reader.

 

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