Tag Archives: fun

Game Night Will Never Be The Same

1 Aug

August 1, 2020

I’m on Facebook because, let’s face it, I’m just as bad as you. So as I was scrolling down my feed, this ad for a new game came by.

I did not click on that link. Last time I clicked on a random link it only took three minutes before some Ukrainian gangster stole my identity. For all you wondering, this is why in the summer of 2018 this blog suddenly became

Рік грошей містера Блогу, яким ви їдете (Rik hroshey mistera Blohu, yakym vy yidete).*

Anyway, it’s a game that let’s you play as your dog! I have no idea how that can be any fun at all, but that has to be tons of fun, right? RIGHT??? After all, just think of all the great things your dog does: 

  • sleeps
  • eats
  • poops
  • sniffs butts
  • poops
  • eats
  • sleeps

OK, I know what you are thinking, “Mr. Blog, come on. that’s your life. Everyday, to a T.” Well, yeah, you got me. Add in some night terrors and random sweating and yep, that’s my life. 

But now I can have another life, my dog’s life. The only thing stopping me is the fact that I don’t own a dog, but so what? Who doesn’t want to be a dog? Except, everybody, I mean. Don’t get me started on cat owners.

Well, when this game popped up on my feed I have to be honest and say that my first response was very funny but not particularly in good taste. (No, it was not a shih tzu joke.) So if you want to read the joke, you will have to run it through Google Translate. And if you do, don’t blame me. I warned you. It may be tasteless but it is funny….

Чудово! Тепер я можу нарешті стукнути цю суку по сусідству! (Chudovo! Teper ya mozhu nareshti stuknuty tsyu suku po susidstvu!)

I should probably warn you that my response was NSFW. I should have probably have warned you earlier but hey, I’ll just blame that on the Ukranian gangster again. Is it any better if I tell you that I meant “bitch” as in a female dog? 

Клацніть посилання та направляйте гроші в колишній радянський синдикат. (Klatsnitʹ posylannya ta napravlyayte hroshi v kolyshniy radyansʹkyy syndykat).*

* Feel free to run this through Google Translate too

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Retail Re-tales

29 Nov

November 29, 2018

With Black Friday behind us, I certainly hope you all got your, um, whatever the big thing is this year. As far as I can tell, there is no big hot toy or must have item this season. And that’s a real shame. I’m old enough to remember when people were stabbing each other in the backs to get a Cabbage Patch doll or Colecovision. Shopping today just isn’t the same without the threat of premeditated homicide in the checkout line.

But I am old enough to remember back in the 90’s when the retail industry got together and tried to change the image of Black Friday.

For some reason, probably the threat of premeditated homicide I mentioned above, the Big Retail Companies™ felt that Black Friday had a negative connotation. Long lines, crowds, sold out items, murder, etc, so they tried to change the name. Now back then retail was a different beast than we have now. People weren’t shopping online like today, and the stores were different too. People bought clothes at places like Chess King and Merry-Go-Round and shopped in huge department stores like Bamberger’s and Korvette’s. Where are these titans of industry today? Long gone and buried. And it’s no surprise given that these are the folks who tried to change the name of Black Friday to Green Friday.

BAM!-Berger’s!

Yup, Green Friday.

Today that sounds like an environmental message: Go Green This Friday With Recycled Shoelaces! Reduce Your Carbon Footprint By Flying Pantsless This Friday! and yes, it sounded that way back in the 90’s too. But they weren’t thinking of green grass, but of green money. All the green green cash that would be flooding their registers. So to stop people from thinking about long lines and stab wounds, they tried to get people to associate the day after Thanksgiving with Green Friday.

And you know what?

Nobody gave a damn.

And that is why we still call it Black Friday today.

Ah, tradition.

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