Archive | 9:14 pm

American Chopper: Junior Frustration

5 Nov

November 5, 2012

I will update this as the show progresses, so check back as the program airs for updated content.

American Chopper (Season 9)
Junior Frustration
With the Teutul’s new company seemingly at a standstill, Senior takes steps to initiate progress, sans Junior’s approval. Mikey provides much needed help to his busy brother, and PJD and OCC both stage unprecedented unveils.

Ah, just like the good old days.

“Are we playing good cop bad cop? No mind games?” -Jason, on his upcoming phone call to Paulie. This is a bad start.
“Jason’s a bit of a goofball… he just gets on my nerves.” -Paulie, who was visibly disgusted with Jason

Jason (with Senior in the background) called Paulie  to ask some basic questions about the design he sent over last week and Paulie more or less said ” you don’t know what means? Seriously?

“Innovative isn’t what you’re doing, repetitive is what you are doing.” -Jason, who obviously did not see 90% of the bikes he drew.

“I’d rather sit there and design at the lift than do drawings that often don’t work in 3 dimensions.” -Paulie, who obviously has seen 90% of the bikes Jason drew. Let’s be honest here- Jason is the kid who grew up tracing GI Joe comic books and got really good at drawing motorcycles. Paulie is the kid who started building GI Joe toys out of Legos and eventually got really good at building motorcycles. Who am I going to trust to design a bike? Easy answer- Paulie, because I’ve seen the shit Jason “draws,” with horse’s head, giant antlers,a nd of course the Build-Off bike that was not a bike but instead some flame-shooting sled that even hurt Senior’s back to lay on.

“I think before we get the ball rolling we should come up with some really cool nicknames.” -Jason, who was a TOTAL DICK during the call yet claimed that Paulie had an attitude. You know what, if I had a clown like Jason on the phone I’d have an attitude also. Put on Senior, not his little bobo.

Meanwhile, the Superbike build goes on at OCC. “It is a high-tech bike and the majority of it is over my head.”- Senior.

Senior called PJD himself and got a far different response. When an adult calls PJD on adult business he got an adult response. When a kid called PJD he got what Jason called “an attitude.” Hmm, what was the difference? Meanwhile, by mutual agreement, they put the commercial that Paulie was going to make for the OCC Cafe on the back-burner since they were both too busy. Honestly, I was more interested in that than the production bike.

It’s the grand opening of the OCC Cafe and the unveil of the Cafe Bike! It was also the debut (on tv, anyway) of Senior’s partner in the Cafe, Carlos Urbaneja. “You’re going to hear a lot from us in the future.” I bet the next we hear is that it goes out of business.

But more importantly, it is also the return of Mikey! With a short haircut! Paulie wants Mikey at the Cre8Play playground build. Not only is everyone from PJD busy, but Mikey will probably hang from the monkey bars and act all goofy. Mikey seemed happy to get back in front of the camera for a limited time. “I’m flattered anyone would want me back on the show.”

At about the half hour point, Vinnie called Rick to talk about the production bike merger. Neither had any idea what was going to happen, but Vinnie, as I’ve pointed out, is miserable about the thought of going to OCC. “I might have to take a stand on this one and say no.” “My deal when I started here (PJD) was that I wasn’t going back there (OCC).”

“He doesn’t want to come back.” -Rick, who also said “I think it is going to be a good thing.”

“So Mikey is coming instead of Paulie. Bit of a surprise.” – the disappointed Todd Lehman, founder of Cre8play. I’d be disappointed to.What kind of a message does it send that the man to whom you’ve given a ton of money not only can’t show up, but sends his brother who is not a builder and is no longer even associated with PJD? Meanwhile, count him in as, no surprise, someone who thinks a business deal with OCC is a bad idea. “It’s like a kamikaze mission.”

“I was wronged there. A lot of people were wronged there.”
“Evil things were done there, it is an evil regime.”
“They take advantage of you, in a bad way… over time, royalties and stuff like that.”
“It was a lot more than just leaving because you wanted to move on.”
“I’m not the only guy that got railroaded.”
“I don’t want to be forced to go over there, I’m not even willing to give it another try.”
“If I go over there, then I have to confront him (Senior.) I haven’t seen him in a few years, but I watch the show, and if he’s a changed guy then he’s just recently changed.”
“I don’t need OCC.”
(Are you going over there?) “I have to say no.”
“I thought things were going really well over here but my future is up in the air.
That’s all Vinnie, talking to Cody, and hinting at a lot of things I’d love to hear more about.

Somehow forgotten in all this is the bike OCC is doing for Big Ass Fans, whatever that is. If I were them I’d be a little upset since much of it is just taken from another bike they were already building for Senior and parts they had lying around the shop. Not sure they are getting their money’s worth.

YET ANOTHER DUMB BUILD-OFF, with OCC, PJD, Jesse James, the beards from Fast and Loud, and whoever else Discovery can shoehorn in. Probably the third mate from the Rambling Rose and one of the American Picker guys too.

Mr. K. Allen presents: Fun With THE Internet

5 Nov

November 5, 2012

Fun With THE Internet
By: K. Allen

As some of you may or may not know, “Mr. Blog” has been having trouble with a malcontent by the name of Allen Keyes.  It seems that Mr. Keyes is following the hockey players lead and agitating for a bigger cut of the Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride revenue stream, and “Mr. Blog” is following the hockey owners lead by locking the dirty bum out. So in an effort to force Keyes to come to the table, “Mr. Blog” has hired me to show just how easily replaceable Keyes really is. For my part, I seriously doubt that “Mr. Blog” has any revenue stream. I have read his blog and frankly I wonder how it has survived this long.

So this week, in an effort to show Allen Keyes how it is done, and to simultaneously bring some measure of respectability to Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride, I present to you:

FUN WITH TEH INTERNETS  THE INTERNET. – I don’t know where Keyes went to school, but it’s not TEH, it’s THE. And internets? What’s with the plural? There’s only ONE internet. Fun with THE INTERNET.  I’ve been wanting to correct that for years.

Anyway, so what does this Keyes guy do around here besides make the maintenance staff feel uncomfortable? (You would not believe the stories Lupe has shared with me. She has not yet stopped crying – Mr. BTR.) Oh yes, he makes funny captions for random pictures with his “internets” witticisms. Ok, I can do that:

TODAY’S SEARCH: BLUE SHIRT   Oooh, look at him! He’s blue shirt wearing guy. I bet he looked really hard just to find a shade of blue that nice!  LOL (laugh out loud).  And it even matches his eyes! HILARIOUS!  I suspect he is a banker.


HAHA! (Laughing) This gentleman is wearing a tie! I totally like that tie with that shirt! 🙂  (SMILEY FACE)  I wonder where he purchased that tie! *SNORT* (Snort)


“Tee hee! I bet this guy’s employers respect him! NSFW (Not Safe for Work). I bet his girlfriend enjoys that he’s well dressed! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA LOLZQTFW (????)”

See how easy that is? Oh, hey I almost forgot, no Allen Keyes column would be complete without the cheap and easy laugh of a bad fat guy Photoshop:

Look! It’s hilarious! The Fat Guy is chowing down on a hammer! WOW! GET IT? See, he’ll eat anything! And see how crudely done the Photoshop is? A trained monkey or a talented 5-year old could do this!

Let’s see, have I hit all the various Allan Keyes standbys? Burt Reynolds, Wrestling, Mr. T, Nursing Home Fire, Laser Death Car, Video Games, Cosplay, Fantasy Baseball. I think that should just about cover it.

Now here, let’s finish it up by avoiding having an abrupt awkward ending to this post by throwing in some random unrelated internet pictures and a relevant Simpson’s reference!

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