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Archive | 8:57 pm

American Chopper: Old Wounds

12 Nov

November 12, 2012

I’LL BE UPDATING THIS AS THE SHOW UNFOLDS. CHECK BACK FOR MORE UPDATES AS THE HOUR GOES ON.

YAWN, wake me when this one is over.

American Chopper (Season 9)
Old Wounds
Senior throws down the gauntlet for a build-off rematch. The stakes are raised when a new player is added to the mix. Back at OCC, tensions rise around the lift when Jr. and Sr. disagree on the production bike design process.

Trust me, Senior does not give a crap about another build-off, no matter what Jason said last week. You know who cares about another build-off? Discovery, who is using them to push other shows. Last build-off featured Jesse James, who then got his own Discovery show, and now he’s back, along with some guys I refuse to watch from Fast and Loud.

Is that really how they look? Because I look at those guys and I think, “no, I am not interested in being a part of your bizarre Satanic pornography.” Seriously, if Anton LeVay worked in porn he would be that guy. Over groomed, over accesorized-looking turd. Of course I never saw the show. The guy might not be such a tool as he looks.

Tonight’s show teases three storylines.
1- The incredibly phony build-off angle, which is so obviously set up by the network and full of lame trash talk,
2- Junior goes to a company to mass produce bicycle versions of some of his bikes,
3- Paulie and Senior butt heads on the co-build

I like Paulie’s idea. I am not sure that they will be coolest things on the market but I think it is a good idea. It seems like Paulie is licensing the designs to Dynacraft and they will do all the work, which again is a good idea. They will be versions of the Black Widow, Anti-Venom, and Build-off bikes.

OCC went to the Wall of Death, a sort of giant barrel in which you ride fast go-carts or cycles around the inside, like you’d see at the circus. The guys had fun but for me watching at home it was a good time to go get a drink.

The show expects to believe that with the opening of the OCC Cafe, the co-build with his son, the Big Ass Fan bike he is working on, and everything else he is into, he wants to do another build-off. So Senior called the executive producer of his show, who just by coincidence had a camera crew ready in his office. I repeat, he just happened to have a camera crew in his office to record the call. Who are they kidding? This all came from Discovery and they told Senior that there will be another build-off, this time with the Fast N’ Loud guys. One thing was real- Senior built a garbage entry last time, and they reran the footage of him getting booed.

OH, WAIT A MINUTE- at 9:23 Senior said “we were asked to do another build-off.” So as we knew, it was not his idea at all. So why did the show spend the last 20 minutes trying to sell that it was Senior’s idea? If Discovery wants to do a build-off then fine, but why lie to the viewers?

The one real storyline, as far as I can tell, continued tonight with Vinnie turning down Paulie’s request to go to OCC with him. You could see the pain in his voice. Paulie told Vinnie how the call went last week: “Jason was like nails on a chalkboard.” Yup.

The Biker Build-off will be December 11th. The bike has to be one that can run in the street and, presumably, has to be a bike. There was a four-way conference call. Like last time Senior was arrogant and Jesse James came across like a jerk. Why does this show need more phony drama? At least this time around Paulie decides to involve a charity, the Breast Cancer Foundation.

And at 9:30 the cross-promotion started with the Fast N’ Loud guys.
“The Biker-Build-off sucks. It is all bedazzled junk.” – Fast, or was it Loud?
“It is all off the shelf.” -Loud
“Paul Jr Paul Sr? Not worried about them at all. Jesse? Out of touch with reality, old and worn out.” -Fast
“If we show up with a motorcycle we’ll probably win.” -Loud

If you think this recap jumps around from point C to point F to point A, that is just reflective of the show, in which segments are edited in no particular order. for example, there was a segment (advertisement) in which the OCC crew marveled at the big fan that Big Ass installed in their shop. The at 9:30 there was a 3 minute segment where the Fast N’ Loud guys showed off, then commercial. Paulie segments run into Senior segments run into totally unrelated Senior segments. The editing of this show is dine simply at random.

They show comes back from commercial break for a ONE MINUTE segment where PJD sends some cake decorating kits to Jesse James. Then another set of commercials. So from 9:30 to 9:41 there have been 4 minutes of show and 7 minutes of commercials. No respect for the viewers here, none at all. And they do the same thing on Deadliest Catch, a far better show, too.

At 9:41 Senior called “The Fast and The Furious guys” to introduce himself. “None of us watch your show so none of us know your names.” Just like me.
“We just got the stupidest call ever from Paul Senior.” -Fast. And was correct because Jason just started yelling “Tell him to shut his mouth” in the background. Again, Jason is an idiot. Anyway, the guy with the long beard (Loud) bet his beard against Senior’s walrus beard, loser has to shave.
“I think the call went well.” – clueless Senior.

I do not want to sit through another month of this annoyance.

At 9:55 we got the very funny Senior vs. Cody duel. Paulie felt uncomfortable to be at OCC but Cody, with his ten minutes of experience debated Senior on bike building.

“We need to sit down with Jason and put something together.” -Senior
“What’s Jason going to do?” -Paulie. “There are some serious second thoughts going on in my mind.”

If anyone is interested, Senior is on Jesse James’ show up next. More Discovery cross-promotion.

NEXT WEEK
PJD deals with the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy

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SSSSSSmokin’!

12 Nov

November 12, 2012

SMOKIN!

Mr. B has been on his on-again, off-again bad toy kick. Which got me thinking about the BEST toy.  No, not Lincoln Logs. Not an Erector Set. Play D’Oh? NO! The best toy evah is…….

SMOKING POPEYE:                       

Yes, it’s as cool as it sounds! A Popeye that…..smokes. Fun for the family! But it really was a gentler time, when kids could actually have a toy like this. You could NEVER get this toy to market today. And it signals a sea change in the country, because there was a time when 9 out of 10 doctors endorsed smoking, and it was considered very glamorous thing to do: 

Mr. BTR has no clue who this actress is.

Hubba hubba!

But while us humans are slowly moving beyond smoking, there’s still one segment of the planet that is embracing smoking with a passion:

FUN WITH TEH INTERNETS! TODAY’S SEARCH: SMOKING ANIMALS

1)

More fun that a barrel full of smoking monkeys! Monkeys are the most intelligent animal in the kingdom aside from us, so it figures that they’ve been smoking for quite a while now. There’s also unconfirmed reports that rhesus monkeys have started playing Barry White music before they…..uh, get busy with their monkey significant others.  Smart indeed.

2) 

Now this is a very civilized goat. You can’t see it behind the fence, but he’s wearing a natty jacket with patches on the sleeves. Unfortunately, he’s smoking rum and maple blend (UGH)

3) 

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! Isn’t that just the kewtest widdle thing! If that little one needed a light from me, I’d flick my bic! We all know how much Mr. B WUVS kittehs!!!!

Speaking  of cute cats: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9kYNId_Kvbo (The White Shadow one is my favorite!)

4)

This is NOT Pierre D. Duck, the World’s Greatest Duck, who is very anti-smoking and will quack at you if you smoke. You can find the link to his Facebook page in the sidebar.

The AFLAC duck celebrates after closing on the Glengarry leads…..

5)

Now that’s one bitch that knows how to party! (See what I did there?)

6)

Um…..what? This one doesn’t make any sense, but it’s so wonderful that I don’t care! This gives me hope that I can fulfill my dream of one day seeing a dolphin take a bong hit. For now, the closest I can come to that magical day is this:

 

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