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Imponderable #69: Nottinghamshire, England

16 Nov

November 16, 2012

This week’s Imponderable comes from a place in England called Nottinghamshire. I had heard of Nottingham, as in Sheriff of (as recounted in the famous legal battle Nottingham, Sheriff of, vs. Hood, Sir Robin of Locksley. In that pioneering case, The Sheriff was represented by the legal firm of Gisbourne, Gisbourne, and Schultz, while Robin Hood elected to represent himself.

But I digress.

Here is the Imponderable, which has nothing to do with Robin hood but has a lot to do with ferrets, possibly even vampire ferrets. Read this with someone you love.

Now I am not here to bash ferrets as pets. You want to have a pet ferret? Go for it. I have declared my views on pets very publicly and I urge you to read it. Click here. I dare you. Click here. I’ll still be here when you get back.

People keep a lot of things as pets, from younger siblings to alligators, which have been turning up in Staten Island in alarming numbers. NOTE TO PEOPLE WHO WANT ALLIGATORS AS PETS: Don’t. Just don’t.

Rats also have their supporters, and no less a distinguished thespian as Peter Church keeps pet rats.

It is just a coincidence that I have never had dinner at his house.

So I really do feel bad for this old British broad. There she was, riding home on her electric mobility when BLAMMO! (or WHAM!, whatever you like) Lugosi the Vampire Ferret attacks! Lucky for her that she had her garlic-laced cane to fight it off with.

But whatever your take on the story, it is the last sentence that cements this story’s status as an Imponderable.

“One commenter on the Sun article has accused the media of ‘making up stories just to give ferrets bad press.'” Now I am the first guy in line to say that the media is biased, in fact I was head of that class, and the media making up stories? Well duh, I’ve seen MSNBC and half of their stories are based on fevered dreams from ingesting Matin Bashir’s psychedelic tears. But stooping to making up a story about a ferret attacking a handicapped woman just to push an anti-ferret agenda?

The question is Imponderable.

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