Allan Keyes Is On The Toilet

30 May

May 30, 2012

Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride has a long history of toilet-related posts:

No Toilet No Bride
Priorities First
Imponderable #34
The American Restroom Association
A New York Legend 3

That’s just a few. And don’t get me started on Mr. Know-It-All. His posts started and ended in the toilet.

It must run in the family, because here is Mr. Blog’s brother, Allan Keyes, reporting on some curious Japanese plumbing.


Of all the high-tech gadgetry I saw in Tokyo, perhaps the one that stays with me the most was the toilet in the first hotel I stayed in.  It really was kind of amazing. First of all, the actual toilet was separated off in a small room away from the actual wash room. Ok, fair enough I suppose. When I opened the door to the toilet, three things happened simultaneously:

1)      The light automatically came on
2)      Water in the toilet started to run
3)      The lid of the bowl popped open invitingly.

 Seriously. That toilet was giving me a “come give me what I need big boy” kind of vibe. But I had my fun with it- I got so that by opening and closing the toilet room door rapidly, I was able to manipulate the lid into basically singing along with the radio (and the flashing room light was just like a strobe!)

But here’s the thing that I still can’t wrap my head around – the control panel. Yes, that’s correct – the control panel. What kind of toilet needs a control panel?  One that features this:

Heated toilet seat
Three levels of flush intensity
“Massaging seat” (!)

Here’s the control set:                       

 Compare this to my Xbox controller:



But then again, my Xbox never really heated my ass either.  At least not willingly.


8 Responses to “Allan Keyes Is On The Toilet”

  1. zathra May 30, 2012 at 1:00 am #

    Next, an entity similar to Skynet will control all Japanese toilets !! A sentient toilet could become either beneficial – or – A TERMINATOILET !! 😉
    Sometimes my imagination is really overactive.


    • Mac of BIOnighT May 30, 2012 at 10:22 pm #

      😀 😀 😀


      • zathra May 31, 2012 at 2:44 am #

        Maybe I’m just being paranoid, but a sentient, automated bathroom would be the stuff of science fiction. Especially with a computer virus or a malevolent programmer & a few lines of code changed in the ” right ” places. 😀 😉


        • bmj2k May 31, 2012 at 6:30 am #

          I don’t hink I like “bathroom” and “virus” in the same place.


          • zathra May 31, 2012 at 6:48 am #

            Self – replicating computer code / programming, then They could’ve used it in an episode of the series ” Eureka “.


  2. Mac of BIOnighT May 30, 2012 at 10:21 pm #

    The famous Japanese hi-tech toilets! How I wish I had one of those 😦


    • bmj2k May 31, 2012 at 12:27 am #

      You and me both!
      Mac, I don’t know if you ever saw Married With Children but Al Bundy would die for that!


  3. Thomas Stazyk May 31, 2012 at 2:28 am #

    Man, I miss those. Especially in winter.


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