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Archive | 12:02 am

Allan Keyes Is On The Toilet

30 May

May 30, 2012

Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride has a long history of toilet-related posts:

No Toilet No Bride
Priorities First
Imponderable #34
The American Restroom Association
A New York Legend 3

That’s just a few. And don’t get me started on Mr. Know-It-All. His posts started and ended in the toilet.

It must run in the family, because here is Mr. Blog’s brother, Allan Keyes, reporting on some curious Japanese plumbing.

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Of all the high-tech gadgetry I saw in Tokyo, perhaps the one that stays with me the most was the toilet in the first hotel I stayed in.  It really was kind of amazing. First of all, the actual toilet was separated off in a small room away from the actual wash room. Ok, fair enough I suppose. When I opened the door to the toilet, three things happened simultaneously:

1)      The light automatically came on
2)      Water in the toilet started to run
3)      The lid of the bowl popped open invitingly.

 Seriously. That toilet was giving me a “come give me what I need big boy” kind of vibe. But I had my fun with it- I got so that by opening and closing the toilet room door rapidly, I was able to manipulate the lid into basically singing along with the radio (and the flashing room light was just like a strobe!)

But here’s the thing that I still can’t wrap my head around – the control panel. Yes, that’s correct – the control panel. What kind of toilet needs a control panel?  One that features this:

Heated toilet seat
Three levels of flush intensity
“Massaging seat” (!)
Deodorant
Bidet

Here’s the control set:                       

 Compare this to my Xbox controller:

 

MY TOILET WAS MORE COMPLICATED THAN MY XBOX.

But then again, my Xbox never really heated my ass either.  At least not willingly.

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