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Tag Archives: parody

Dudes In Space!

12 Sep

September 12, 2018

It’s totally time to start a new space adventure!

 


The Time: The future. Way, way in the future, like when you get an estimate on how long it’ll take them to paint your house and it goes way past the estimate and they are charging you for like rags and stuff. What’s up with that? So yeah, that far in the future.

The Place: Space. Somewhere like in a nebula or something. Or a black hole. Whichever is cooler, take your pick. Maybe Underwater? Nah, space.

Super Space Guy Hunk Blockcheese strides across the bridge of his spaceship. It’s really awesome with lots of expensive bling. He stops near the navigator, Callie Fornia, and flexes. He’s like got a crush on her and stuff but he’s too much of a wuss to tell her, so after a couple of minutes he goes to the gym to oil his pecs.

Meanwhile, somewhere else far away, maybe on a planet or a moon or something, there’s this evil guy all covered with tats. He has like a real mad on for Hunk Blockcheese because of something that happened in high school. It was totally his mom’s fault for always buying him those cheap department store pants. He doesn’t want to talk about it.

Blockcheese comes back from the gym, all pumped up. He sits in his chair and wants to know like where they are, you know, with coordinates and things like that. He’s trying to sound all professional and stuff because he thinks Callie Fornia likes those kinda guys.

This spaceship also has robots too, and they can fly.


 

Like wow! This is going to be … good?

 

 

 

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Lying Awake With John Newly #11: Off-Topic

16 Jun

June 16, 2016

 

ANNOUNCER: This is Lying Awake with John Newly. Lying Awake airs seven nights a week from midnight to 5 am. This hour is sponsored by Markham Pharmaceuticals. And now, here’s your host, John Newly.

JOHN NEWLY: Hi! This is Lying Awake with John Newly and I’m proud to say that yes, that’s me, I’m John Newly. Always have been! And I always will be, thanks to Markham Pharmaceuticals. I’ve been taking their proprietary blend of cutting edge health products since they sponsored me last Tuesday, and let me tell you, my bowels have definitely noticed. We’ll be back after these words.

PROMO for WKAT charity tuxedo steaming. Have your tuxedo steamed to benefit feline fur loss.

COMMERCIAL for Big Bob Briscoe’s Breakfast Buffet and Car Wash. Free Eggs Benedict with every wash.

HAARP

JOHN NEWLY: And we’re back. Hello! In the studio with me is Monty McAndrews, noted oceanographer and researcher. We’ve been discussing his theory about the Loch Ness Monster and all sorts of ocean mysteries. Monty, the ocean is pretty salty, right? I once swallowed some seawater at the beach and it made me sick.

GUEST: That’s right. Most of the world’s bodies of water have rather high salinity counts.

JOHN NEWLY: You know, Inger Montenegro believes that the oceans were salted by ancient astronauts.

GUEST: Well John, we actually know quite a lot about the chemical composition of sea water and scientists have traced-

JOHN NEWLY: Wow, that’s great. Let’s go to the phones. Donny from Idaho, you’re first up on Lying Awake. Go ahead!

CALLER: Hi John.

JOHN NEWLY: Go ahead!

CALLER: Um, yeah. Hey, I was watching the Discovery Channel once. This was a lot of years ago.  And-

JOHN NEWLY: Monty? Do you watch the Discovery Channel?

GUEST: I’ve appeared on their network quite often, actually.

JOHN NEWLY: Man, that Shark Week is something. I bet for a guy in your field that’s like Christmas.

GUEST: I suppose, for some researchers, but sharks aren’t really my interest.

JOHN NEWLY: I bet they would be if you were swimming! Ha ha, let’s go back to the phones. Miranda from New York, you’re on with me, John Newly.

CALLER:  It’s still me, Donny. I want to ask a question.

JOHN NEWLY: Oh, I thought you did. Well, go ahead.

CALLER: Thanks. I was watching the Discovery Channel and-

Creature-From-The-Black-Lagoon-classic

JOHN NEWLY: Donny, we’re running out of time. We’re up against the clock. We’ve only a couple of minutes left. Fast Eddie? He’s my producer. Fast Eddie? How much time do we have left? Can you check?

(Indistinct)

JOHN NEWLY: That little? OK. Caller, please get to your question quickly so we have time to answer it before the commercial break. Go ahead, time is short. We want to be able to get you in. So go ahead. But remember- short!

CALLER: There was this submarine crew and they filmed way down deep. They saw just a hand. The camera didn’t capture the rest of it, just a hand. It looked like a webbed hand with claws. They tried to follow it but it passed by or swam by way too fast. Does your guest know about that? Is a thing like that possible? It looked like the gill man from the movie the Creature from the Black Lagoon.

JOHN NEWLY: I’ll give our guest, Monty McAndrews, a chance to answer, but Monty, I have to warn you, that there isn’t much time. Very little time. So how about Donny’s question? Creature from the Black Lagoon. Was that a great film or what?

GUEST: Well, I haven’t seen it in a long time.

JOHN NEWLY: Thanks for your call Donny. Monty, I love those old movies.

NOTE: THIS WAS BASED ON AN ACTUAL EXCHANGE FROM COAST TO COAST AM WITH GEORGE NOORY.

 

Click the PARANORMAL-ISH button above for more John Newly!

 

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