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Tag Archives: cryptozoolgy

Lying Awake With John Newly #11: Off-Topic

16 Jun

June 16, 2016

 

ANNOUNCER: This is Lying Awake with John Newly. Lying Awake airs seven nights a week from midnight to 5 am. This hour is sponsored by Markham Pharmaceuticals. And now, here’s your host, John Newly.

JOHN NEWLY: Hi! This is Lying Awake with John Newly and I’m proud to say that yes, that’s me, I’m John Newly. Always have been! And I always will be, thanks to Markham Pharmaceuticals. I’ve been taking their proprietary blend of cutting edge health products since they sponsored me last Tuesday, and let me tell you, my bowels have definitely noticed. We’ll be back after these words.

PROMO for WKAT charity tuxedo steaming. Have your tuxedo steamed to benefit feline fur loss.

COMMERCIAL for Big Bob Briscoe’s Breakfast Buffet and Car Wash. Free Eggs Benedict with every wash.

HAARP

JOHN NEWLY: And we’re back. Hello! In the studio with me is Monty McAndrews, noted oceanographer and researcher. We’ve been discussing his theory about the Loch Ness Monster and all sorts of ocean mysteries. Monty, the ocean is pretty salty, right? I once swallowed some seawater at the beach and it made me sick.

GUEST: That’s right. Most of the world’s bodies of water have rather high salinity counts.

JOHN NEWLY: You know, Inger Montenegro believes that the oceans were salted by ancient astronauts.

GUEST: Well John, we actually know quite a lot about the chemical composition of sea water and scientists have traced-

JOHN NEWLY: Wow, that’s great. Let’s go to the phones. Donny from Idaho, you’re first up on Lying Awake. Go ahead!

CALLER: Hi John.

JOHN NEWLY: Go ahead!

CALLER: Um, yeah. Hey, I was watching the Discovery Channel once. This was a lot of years ago.  And-

JOHN NEWLY: Monty? Do you watch the Discovery Channel?

GUEST: I’ve appeared on their network quite often, actually.

JOHN NEWLY: Man, that Shark Week is something. I bet for a guy in your field that’s like Christmas.

GUEST: I suppose, for some researchers, but sharks aren’t really my interest.

JOHN NEWLY: I bet they would be if you were swimming! Ha ha, let’s go back to the phones. Miranda from New York, you’re on with me, John Newly.

CALLER:  It’s still me, Donny. I want to ask a question.

JOHN NEWLY: Oh, I thought you did. Well, go ahead.

CALLER: Thanks. I was watching the Discovery Channel and-

Creature-From-The-Black-Lagoon-classic

JOHN NEWLY: Donny, we’re running out of time. We’re up against the clock. We’ve only a couple of minutes left. Fast Eddie? He’s my producer. Fast Eddie? How much time do we have left? Can you check?

(Indistinct)

JOHN NEWLY: That little? OK. Caller, please get to your question quickly so we have time to answer it before the commercial break. Go ahead, time is short. We want to be able to get you in. So go ahead. But remember- short!

CALLER: There was this submarine crew and they filmed way down deep. They saw just a hand. The camera didn’t capture the rest of it, just a hand. It looked like a webbed hand with claws. They tried to follow it but it passed by or swam by way too fast. Does your guest know about that? Is a thing like that possible? It looked like the gill man from the movie the Creature from the Black Lagoon.

JOHN NEWLY: I’ll give our guest, Monty McAndrews, a chance to answer, but Monty, I have to warn you, that there isn’t much time. Very little time. So how about Donny’s question? Creature from the Black Lagoon. Was that a great film or what?

GUEST: Well, I haven’t seen it in a long time.

JOHN NEWLY: Thanks for your call Donny. Monty, I love those old movies.

NOTE: THIS WAS BASED ON AN ACTUAL EXCHANGE FROM COAST TO COAST AM WITH GEORGE NOORY.

 

Click the PARANORMAL-ISH button above for more John Newly!

 

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Lying Awake With John Newly: Cavemen and Coffee

5 Jan

January 5, 2014

Announcer: And we’re back with more Lying Awake with John Newly!

That’s right, we’re back, and I urge all of my faithful listeners to call 1-888-555-FILK. If you want to project your astral self across the internet, they’ll teach you how to do it for only $49.99. I know a lot of the members of the Night Hoots forum have already done so; those are some fiercely loyal listeners.

Let’s get back to our discussion. We’re talking Sasquatch with Doctor Hiram Mears. Doctor, before the break, you were about to tell us what you learned on your recent trip to Seattle Washington. Did you drink a lot of coffee in Seattle?

-Well, no, not really. I was out in the woods and we didn’t want any unfamiliar scents to scare the Sasquatch.

You didn’t want to tip them off you were there?

-No, no. We wanted to see them in their natural environment.

I bet those creatures don’t drink much coffee!

-Umm, I’d suspect not.

Cryptozoology in action!

Cryptozoology in action!

So tell me, how do the Sasquatch live in the wild?

– The popular misconception about these creatures is that they live in caves when really there aren’t even any caves in the area I observed them in.

Wow, no caves. So they aren’t some species of prehistoric cavemen that somehow lived into the modern age?

-Oh no, no, in fact-

So no big wooden clubs for them, knocking each other over the head?

-Um, well, if you’re taking about tool use, then I’ve discovered evidence that Sasquatch is a rather advanced tool user.

We’re talking with Doctor Hiram Mears and Doctor, I’ve got this image in my head of a hairy Fred Flintstone. Is that accurate? But Fred was kind of short, wasn’t he? And Sasquatch is tall. Or is that Barney Rubble I’m thinking of?

-I can’t really say, I’m not big on cartoons.

Captain Caveman, that was another one. Do you think Captain Caveman was based on Sasquatch?

-Uh…

He had a club too as I recall. And he could fly. If Sasquatch can fly, that would clear up a lot of the mystery around him.

-Well… I guess, but he probably can’t. There’s no evidence that–

Wow, that’s fascinating. We’ll be back, right after these words.

 

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