Tag Archives: mailman

Another Post Office Rant (2015)

22 Aug

August 22, 2015

So the post office lost my package. This should come as no surprise to anyone who:
A- has read this blog and all the posts about the lousy branch in my area
B- has ever been to a post office anywhere in the USA

I was expecting a package and tracked it online. The company sent it via FedEx (good) but FedEx only delivered it to my local post office, not to me (bad.) UPS has the same stupid service and I complained about it before. WHY would you hire an outside company to do ¾ of a job? Would a baker measure and mix all the ingredients of a cake and then send it to some other bakery to put in their oven? Would you hire Tom Hanks to star in ¾ of a movie and replace him with Adam Sandler for the last half hour? I just don’t get it.

Finding a dumb picture of Adam Sandler is ridiculously easy.

Finding a dumb picture of Adam Sandler is ridiculously easy.

So I went to my post office to complain. I brought the print out from the USPS website. It had the tracking number and whatever other information there was. And knowing that they’d ask, I wrote my name and address on the sheet. I’ve been through this before. The last time I was there the moron (sorry, no more Mr. Nice Blog) searched for 20 minutes to find my package, only to come back and ask for more information. The information turned out to be right in front of her. This time, after 20 minutes of searching, the same moron came back again for- you guessed it- more information.

You see, having the tracking number, sender, and my name and address simply wasn’t good enough. The information she wanted would surely crack this case. It was my first name. Stupid me, I only wrote my last name on the paper, thinking it would be enough. C’mon, am I seriously to believe that if she came across a box from the correct sender, with the correct tracking number, the correct address, and my correct last name, that she wouldn’t believe that was my package without my first name? As I said, this woman is a moron. And at any rate, the package wasn’t there, first name or not.

I asked for a supervisor. I got a “fill-in” supervisor who was slightly more helpful, but even the inanimate mailbox outside the post office was more helpful than the moron behind the window. (How many times can I call her a moron? Let’s see.)

The “fill-in” supervisor, who seems to be a permanent full-time fill-in since he’s been there every time I have, says they don’t have it. But they did have it at one time. They have a picture of the package as it passed through some machinery. And here’s my problem. The picture clearly shows that the label says “Carrier: Leave if addressee not home.” I have no idea why anyone would put that there. In fact, my post office almost never leaves me my packages. I get a slip and I have to pick it up at the post office. This situation with the lost package is exactly why I don’t want anything left. But my argument is that it wasn’t left by my door or even by my mailbox. We have a new mailman who has been leaving packages for my building in a wide open, unsecure lobby. So I am sure that someone just walked by and grabbed it. So everyone involved has an excuse and apparently no one is to blame, and the mailman will never admit where he left it, so I’m out $15. Not a big sum, but it’s my money and I don’t want to waste it.

The “fill-in” had only one option: file a claim on their website. You’d think you could file a claim with the post office at the post office, wouldn’t you? Oh, you silly goose, of course you can’t! Why would they make anything easy? Or logical?

Like Pierre D. Duck on Facebook!

Like Pierre D. Duck on Facebook!

Their website made me register and even though it claimed that my email was already registered, it also claimed that they could not give me my log in info because they could not verify the email address. To repeat, they could not verify the address they claimed was already registered on their site. What the F? So I registered with a different name and gave all kinds of info down to and including, I think, my shoe size. Then the tracking number I had, which I used before to track the package, suddenly wasn’t good enough, and I had to find the exact date it was shipped. After a lot of nonsense they told me that I couldn’t file a claim since I didn’t buy insurance. It was a lousy $15 order! The website never even gave me the option to buy insurance.

The post office lost my package and won’t do a thing about it.

So I went back to where I placed the order, ready to bite the bullet and buy another item, but now the discount code I used has expired and the $15 purchase now will cost me $37. Luckily I found a promo code online and brought the price down to $27. Of course, the reality is that the product is now costing me $27 plus the original $15 I lost, meaning I spent $42 instead of just $15.

USPS sucks.

Meanwhile, after I placed my new order, I heard back from the company. I had a day or so back told them the package was lost and could they do anything about it? They said “we’ll send you another right away.” No charge, no questions asked. So it’ll still cost me $42, but at least I’ll get double my order.

So what did I order to begin with?

Three customized Mr. Blog mousepads. And now I have six.

bmj2k mousepad

And it isn’t over.

I just got this notice about a different package I was expecting in the mail:

I am afraid that I must inform you the order has been returned to us by the postal system, due to being damaged in transit. This damage has resulted in the condition of your title being unacceptable to re-send.

I am starting to take this personally.

.

.

Showdown at the OK Corral Post Office

18 Aug

August 18, 2014

old west post office

You can learn a whole lot from watching old westerns on TV. For example:

  • Most towns are run by a gang that has the sheriff intimidated. This is true from The Magnificent Seven to A Fistful of Dollars to today’s New York City, where Al Sharpton has been pulling the strings of Mayor Li’l Billy De Blasio and dictating police policy for months.
  • Shoot first, ask questions later. But if you shoot well enough, the answers become irrelevant. Weren’t a whole lot of answers to be given after the gunfight at the OK corral, and no one left alive to answer them anyway. Usually, when a gunslinger has called you out in the middle of Main Street for a shootout, you pretty much know why. Marty McFly knew exactly why Mad Dog Tannen called him out in Back to The Future III. (“I do my killing before breakfast.” “Oh yeah? I do my killing after breakfast.”)
  • The post office has been around from the earliest days of settled America and is just now getting around to delivering Christmas presents from 1876.

A few weeks back the post office had decided, as it usually does, to just not care about delivering packages for a while. Not that they do much of a job of it anyway. Usually, in Saarah’s building, the mailman slows his truck just long enough to toss some mail into the bushes of the building next door. On this particular day, Saarah was waiting for a package, a small box about the weight of six magic markers and a crayon, to arrive.

So what happened? Take your best, most educated guess.

  1. The package was delivered to her apartment door by the courteous and polite mailman.
  2. The mailman left a slip in her mailbox so she could pick it up at the post office.
  3. The mailman did nothing but eat a gyro as he walked past the building, yet the package was marked as delivered on the USPS website.

The correct answer is #3, but to be honest, he may have been eating a hot dog, not a gyro.

When Saarah tracked the package online and saw that they claimed it was delivered, she shrewdly knew that the information was incorrect by the clever deduction that the package was not delivered and we went down to the post office on Saturday to pick it up.

Saarah and I pulled up to the post office about 2 seconds after the pair of cars ahead of us also pulled up. Both of those cars were the same distance from the muni-meter, I was just behind one of the cars. This is important. Now I don’t know about your local post office, but all the ones in my area (and this is especially true on a Saturday) are staffed by one sleepy postal worker who may or may not speak enough English to order a Big Mac, and no one else. On a Saturday, there is generally a long, grumpy line, and it only gets worse as the time passes since the office closes at one. If for any reason your local post office is clean and efficient, with plenty of help behind the counter and short, fast lines, please tell me which drugs you are taking.

This is where the Old West theme I started with really kicks in. Cue the theme from The Good, the Bad, and The Ugly.

okCorral_1622167c

Guy on the right is DeForest Kelley as Morgan Earp.

The drivers of the two other cars got out and eyed each other. One had a package, half sealed, and a roll of tape. The other had a stack of letters in a box. They looked at each other, looked at each other’s mail, then both turned their eyes to the muni-meter. It all came down to the meter. Whoever got there first would get their ticket first and get into the post office first.  And they both knew it.

Just like the final shootout of The Good, the Bad, and The Ugly.

They stood and stared into each other’s eyes. Neither moved. Their eyes. Their mail. The meter. Their mail. The meter. Their eyes.

It was tense. You could hear a tumble weed roll by. You could hear the gentle snoring coming from the post office window.

And suddenly they both had the same thought and dashed as fast as they could to the meter. It was as if they were having a showdown in front of the post office, but instead of drawing guns, it came down to who was quicker to the muni-meter.

No matter who won, though, I was destined to be third in line, meaning they would both beat me to the post office, one with a huge stack of mail, one with an unfinished package, and who-knows-how-long of a line already in the office.

But none of it mattered because as soon as I pulled up, Saarah had jumped out and went into the post office ahead of all of us and beat the other two and got in line a good three minutes first, and in that time some other people got in line so the two ahead of me were a good five people behind Saarah.

I put my money into the meter, put the ticket on my dashboard, and sauntered into the post office just in time to meet Saarah at the window.

The white hats won this one.

 

.

 

.

%d bloggers like this: