Tag Archives: death

Imponderable #127: The Strange Death of Dwarf Ramsay

15 Feb

February 15, 2016

This is old news. It is from 2011 but just this weekend popped up on my Facebook feed. (That’s an Imponderable right there.)

gr1

To recap: Percy Foster, dwarf-porn lookalike of Chef Gordon Ramsay, died under what is being understated as “bizarre circumstances.” He was found partially eaten in a badger hole. Crack investigators have not ruled out suicide.

Okayyyyy.

Well.

All I know is, if there is a better headline than “Gordon Ramsay’s dwarf porn star lookalike found dead in badger den half eaten” I haven’t read it.

With all his money, he’s buying a soda stream? Jeez, if you can afford a BMW you can afford name-brand soda.
Why couldn’t he buy Pepsi?
The question is Imponderable.

 

There have been 126 previous Imponderables from the news. Check them out starting here with #1.

 

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Always Read The Directions

17 Dec

 

December 17, 2014

I went over to my friend’s house for dinner the other day. There were four of us and we were looking forward to the meal. You see, my friend is a little bit of a foodie.

So we sat down at the dinner table and on each of our plates was a slice of frozen pizza. We each took a quick glance at each other, but hey, this must be some nouveau-food thing. As I poured myself a glass of grape soda, our host sat down and said “dig in.”

Feeling a little weird, I took a bite of the frozen slab, or I tried to. It was a block of ice. I ground down and my teeth sheared off little plasticy flecks of frozen processed cheese which fell on my shirt. But a little more pressure and snap! The frozen pizza cracked into five or six chunks of ice. One of them lodged in my windpipe and I died.

I should have paid attention to the warning on the box.

ellioscook

ellios

 

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