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Always Read The Directions

17 Dec

 

December 17, 2014

I went over to my friend’s house for dinner the other day. There were four of us and we were looking forward to the meal. You see, my friend is a little bit of a foodie.

So we sat down at the dinner table and on each of our plates was a slice of frozen pizza. We each took a quick glance at each other, but hey, this must be some nouveau-food thing. As I poured myself a glass of grape soda, our host sat down and said “dig in.”

Feeling a little weird, I took a bite of the frozen slab, or I tried to. It was a block of ice. I ground down and my teeth sheared off little plasticy flecks of frozen processed cheese which fell on my shirt. But a little more pressure and snap! The frozen pizza cracked into five or six chunks of ice. One of them lodged in my windpipe and I died.

I should have paid attention to the warning on the box.

ellioscook

ellios

 

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9 Responses to “Always Read The Directions”

  1. Mac of BIOnighT December 17, 2014 at 12:05 am #

    Aha ha, yes, we have it everywhere here, only in many more words. Here it says “This is a deep-frozen product, and it must be eaten only after cooking it”.
    You see? They even tell you it’s deep-frozen food, just in case you didn’t notice 😀
    Food labels can be so ridiculous…

    Like

    • bmj2k December 17, 2014 at 2:38 am #

      They need to point out it is frozen? Wasn’t the fact that it was in the freezer a giveaway?

      Like

      • Mac of BIOnighT December 18, 2014 at 3:45 pm #

        Apparently they think that the average Italian can’t tell the freezer from the oven… (they might be right, at that)

        Like

        • bmj2k December 18, 2014 at 4:18 pm #

          What are you doing with frozen microwave pizza anyway? I’d have thought processed pizza like that would be unthinkable overt there!

          Like

          • Mac of BIOnighT December 18, 2014 at 4:25 pm #

            Obviously, serious people refuse to even think of it (the majority), but unfortunately there are people who think it’s a good idea here, as well 😦
            The writing I reported above, however, is the standard one on all frozen foods, not just pizza; so, while I agree that any Italian willing to eat frozen pizza is also stupid enough not to be able to tell it is frozen, I wonder why they deemed it necessary to treat all the others like morons, too… >__>’

            Like

  2. Matt Cowan December 17, 2014 at 6:34 am #

    There should be a G.I. Joe warning us about this at the end of one of their cartoons.

    Like

    • bmj2k December 17, 2014 at 8:16 am #

      “And knowing is half the battle!” Yo Joe!

      Like

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