Tag Archives: CNN

Imponderable #134: Faster, Squirrel! Kill! Kill!

30 Jun

June 30, 2017

This is the first of two editions of the Imponderable that The Editors and Staff call Wild Kingdom Animal Antics. (It gives us an excuse to come up with a new logo.) We’ve featured some bizarre animal stories in the past, but these are in a class by themselves. 

The source for this story is not a site I am familiar with but if this is true then we have a brand new super-villain on our hands. The odds of it being true are about nil to one, but hey, that’s what makes a good story. 

click to enlarge

In a nutshell, so to speak, a guy’s animal trainer ex-gf trained a pack of squirrels to attack him. And like you’d expect, the squirrels went for his nuts. But as I said above, we have the makings of a super-villain here. “She was partially hidden behind some bushes, but I could clearly see her and hear her. She was yelling orders at the squirrels and telling them to attack me.” 

This guy was just proof of concept. Having established that squirrels can be trained to attack, I’m sure the next step for her is to train them to rob banks. How long will it be until she has them hacking the U.S. Presidential election?

I admit up front (OK, at the end) that I don’t believe this for a single second. But who cares? 

Is this story more or less real than anything you see on CNN?
The question is Imponderable.

 

And thank you Jimbo for bringing this to my attention!

 

.

Imponderable #130: An Unlucky Penis In Thailand

31 May

May 31, 2016

This is Imponderable because, as a man, I simply refuse to think about this.

taip1

GAH! HOLY CRAP! A freakin’ PYTHON in the freakin’ TOILET! THIS IS OUR COLLECTIVE NIGHTMARE, GENTLEMEN. 

taip2

Whose blood is that? The snake’s or the dude’s?????????? Oh, I am going to be sick.

taip3

Thank goodness the snake is OK. Yeah, I was really worried.

taip4

“Many times”? “MANY TIMES”? I am not- repeat NOT- going to Thailand. It’ll be awhile before I take a dump right here in NYC!

How does a guy survive a python devouring his schwantz? 
The question is painfully Imponderable.

 

And yeah guys, I can already hear your complaints of “a snake on his penis? Jeez, and I cant even get my girlfriend to…” I feel ya.

 

.