Tag Archives: bmj2k

Willy Wonka Must Be Stopped!

1 Apr

April 1, 2016

The greatest threat to humanity is not ISIS, Al-Qaeda, or Cobra. It is Willy Wonka. He is a danger to all humanity and must be stopped. Like The Island of Doctor Moreau, The evil genius is conducting evil experiments meant to be breed new threats to humanity in order to take over the world.

WONKAS

Don’t believe me? Wonka does not even try to hide his evil ambitions. Want proof? It is right here on this box of everlasting gobstoppers, a box like any other innocent, innocuous box on store shelves across America.

gmo gobstopper

“Produced with genetic engineering.” It’s a freakin’ gobstopper! What genetics does it have? The main ingredients are sugar and artificial colors. Where are the genes? What DNA has been manipulated? It says “may contain eggs.” What is Willy Wonka doing to those eggs?

Wonka is very upfront about his plans for domination. Look at that box, a happy cartoon gobstopper with a mouth! Is that a clue? Are these things alive? WHAT GENETIC ENGINEERING GOES INTO A GOBSTOPPER?

For the record, after I read that disclaimer, I threw the box away. It was still half full.

 

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The Saturday Comics: Superman’s Greatest Weakness!

16 Mar

March 16, 2016

cropped-sat-com-logo.jpg

Superman! Defender of Truth, Justice, and the American Way!
Superman! Last Son of Krypton!
Superman! Powerless Against the Giant Sequoia Tree!

Wait, what? Superman is powerless against kryptonite, right? What’s this nonsense about trees? Check out this page from Justice League of America 29. This is the JLA’s first battle against the Crime Syndicate, an evil version of the Justice League from Earth 3. Here, Superman is in pitched battle against Power Ring, the unimaginatively-named evil Green Lantern.

Seriously, that's just a tree. Even Charlie Brown did better against the Kite-Eating Tree.

Seriously, that’s just a tree. Even Charlie Brown did better against the Kite-Eating Tree.

The sticky tree shavings stuck to Supes and did who-knows-what but it caused him to lose the power of flight and fall to the ground. Yeah. Well kiddies, that was the Silver Age for you.

I will go out on a limb (HA! Pun intended!) and say that since Supes is vulnerable to magic, and it says that Power Ring has a mystic ring (sheesh, they really needed to come up with a better name), then those must be magic wood shavings.

The magic wood shavings stuck to Supes and, instead of just getting him all sticky with sap, they drained his ability to fly. Ok, sure, why not?
I’ll tell you why not. Because they did not affect his super power to create a vacuum with his super suction, that’s why not. I call shenanigans on this comic book.

However, I will not even try to explain this panel from Justice League of America 21, where the bad guys sit around and discuss fiddling around with vibrators.

Justice League 21

 

 

 

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