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My New Career As An Assassin Starts Now

28 Jun

June 28, 2016

007 blog header

I received this unsolicited email yesterday. It got past my spam filters so it must be legit, right?

info (stina@furumon.lby.se);silvio_escobar@mail.com

Dear candidate,

We have a job in your area and we would like you to participate and complete the assignment.

Job Description :
1. You will receive funds for the task.
2. You will receive instructions for the task you via email in the location and details of the task.
3. You must complete the task as quickly as possible and quietly.

Once you sign up you will access to training materials and consederation.

The assignment will give you $200 per job of 2 assignment a week.

Provide the following information below if you interested:

1. Full Name :___
2  Your Address :___
3. Citys / States / Countrys :___
4. Zip Codes :___
5. Phones :___
6. Ages : .___
7. Gender :___
8. E-Mail :___

Thank you for participation. Your response would be greatly appreciated.

Best Regards,
Kenny Miller
Official Recruitment

There’s no company name and no description of the job. It came from a foreign server and refers to a “task” which must be done “as quickly as possible and quietly.” 

I think they want me to kill someone. I think I am being hired as an assassin.

Career change!

007 blog

______________

FYI- that’s the real email, with the real sender’s information at the top and the real errors and misspellings. If you are interested in either becoming an assassin or having your identity stolen, contact them at your own risk. Tell ’em Mr. Blog sent ya!

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“Your Honor, I Don’t Recall.”

21 Jun

June 21, 2016

I watch a lot of TV court shows. I TiVo The People’s Court every day, because there is nothing better than watching people sue over things like old coffee cans and hurt feelings. And while I’ve gotten a little tired of Judge Judy (who is getting just a bit soft and yelling just a bit less this season), I’ve gotten into her new production, Hot Bench, which I also record. That show, unlike literally every other court show out there (I’m looking at you, Judge Ross), is actually interesting. That show has three judges listening to the cases at once, and they sometimes argue among themselves about the outcome.

hot bench

But what drives me nuts about the shows are the litigants, not the judges. They all think that since they are in a court room they have to sound smart. For example:

“Your Honorable, me and my boo was operating the moving vehicle, AKA my car, for which I had been owning a drivers license…” etc etc etc….

They can’t just say “I was driving my car.”

But the worst thing is when they think they are being slick by saying “I don’t recall.”

“I don’t recall signing my life insurance away to my gold-digging wife.”

So did you do it or didn’t you? If you mean to say you didn’t do it, say “I didn’t do it.” Saying you don’t recall means that yes, maybe you did it, it is possible, but you just don’t have a memory of it. It isn’t a denial, it leaves open the possibility that whatever it was really happened, and it sounds to me like shiesty way of trying to lie without really having to tell a lie.

I can believe that you don’t remember if you had two waffles or three for breakfast on June 3rd, 2011, but I damn well know you remember if you hit a deer with your car last week.

 

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