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Tag Archives: lies

“Your Honor, I Don’t Recall.”

21 Jun

June 21, 2016

I watch a lot of TV court shows. I TiVo The People’s Court every day, because there is nothing better than watching people sue over things like old coffee cans and hurt feelings. And while I’ve gotten a little tired of Judge Judy (who is getting just a bit soft and yelling just a bit less this season), I’ve gotten into her new production, Hot Bench, which I also record. That show, unlike literally every other court show out there (I’m looking at you, Judge Ross), is actually interesting. That show has three judges listening to the cases at once, and they sometimes argue among themselves about the outcome.

hot bench

But what drives me nuts about the shows are the litigants, not the judges. They all think that since they are in a court room they have to sound smart. For example:

“Your Honorable, me and my boo was operating the moving vehicle, AKA my car, for which I had been owning a drivers license…” etc etc etc….

They can’t just say “I was driving my car.”

But the worst thing is when they think they are being slick by saying “I don’t recall.”

“I don’t recall signing my life insurance away to my gold-digging wife.”

So did you do it or didn’t you? If you mean to say you didn’t do it, say “I didn’t do it.” Saying you don’t recall means that yes, maybe you did it, it is possible, but you just don’t have a memory of it. It isn’t a denial, it leaves open the possibility that whatever it was really happened, and it sounds to me like shiesty way of trying to lie without really having to tell a lie.

I can believe that you don’t remember if you had two waffles or three for breakfast on June 3rd, 2011, but I damn well know you remember if you hit a deer with your car last week.

 

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(The Same Ol’) Bagful of Lies

26 Oct

October 26, 2013

Saturdays are rough lately, real rough. A new blog??? On Saturday???? What the-??

See what I mean? It is hard to keep up my wealthy man-about-town lifestyle and still get out a Saturday blog. Hence this Classic Repost.)

From January 29, 2013

I love croutons. A good bunch of croutons can really make a great salad. Cheddar and bacon, garlic and butter, you name it, I really love those toasted squares of stale bread and my salad isn’t a salad without them. But this particular bag of croutons just makes me angry. Who does it think it is anyway, insulting my intelligence?

croutons

New York brand croutons expects me to believe that they have the Original Texas Toast? Really? I’d think that the original Texas toast would come from, oh, … TEXAS.


Hold on to your hats, it gets worse! Turns out this bag of NEW YORK croutons is not made in New York at all!

croutons3

“New York” brand “Texas Toast” made in Ohio! Is there no truth in the world anymore? What can I trust? It was bad enough when I realized that no train stopped at my local Subway franchise, and not long ago I found out that beloved McDonald’s shill Grimace was played by the same man who dressed as the Hamburgler. Sheesh, no artistic integrity there either!

This just ruins my salad. I can’t eat croutons under false pretenses. Thanks a lot, Marzetti Company, you’ve just ruined my diet.

croutons LIE

And I think the Hamburgler is flashing gang signs in this picture. If he’s a Crip then I think McDonald’s should consider changing their advertising strategy.

McDonalds+Gooding+Hamburglar+Grimace+Jan+2013

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