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A Tale of My Father: The (Almost) Burning Man

26 Mar

March 26, 2018

My father was a man who had quite a lot of stories, and I can vouch that they were true. Stuck in a rioting hoard of women on Black Friday, calling Macy’s to complain about their Santa at the Thanksgiving Day Parade, or refusing to take off in a small plane from the shortest runway of an airport high on cliff, he had some interesting things to talk about. 

This one is short, and though it happened long before I was born, it could have had a dramatic impact on my life.

When he was younger, my Dad-to-be and some of his friends took a road trip. The details of when and where aren’t important and I’ve long forgotten them if I even ever knew them. I want to say they were teenagers but knowing Dad and some of his friends, they were probably in their twenties but acting like teenagers. 

So they were driving and it was getting late and they stopped for gas. One guy got out and was pumping while Dad and the others took the opportunity to stretch their legs. Well, they guy pumping the gas thought it would be a hysterically funny joke to turn the nozzle on Dad and soak him with gasoline. And another friend thought it would be even more hysterically funny to chase Dad around the car with a lit cigarette lighter. 

You can see where this is going.

Almost, almost!

Natural selection nearly took a hard left turn that night but either Dad was a faster runner back then, or his cries of “what the FUCK are you doing?” got through this friend’s thick skull and Dad escaped immolation and lived to laugh about it later.

It’s a wonder I’m here to write about this.

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Today in Future History: January 14, 2877

14 Jan

January 14, 2018

 

JANUARY 14, 2877: Scientists develop a method to bring people back to life, and you are their first test subject. Upon your rebirth, they give you a wedgie and toss you into a women’s locker room without any pants. Unfortunately for you, the scientists are total jerks.

 

Want to know more about the future? Click on these for more far out knowledge!
Today in Future History: August 27th, 2938
Today in Future History: January 13, 3658

Curious about the past? Check these out!
Today in History: May 31, 1969
Today in History: November 10th, 28,000,000 B.C.
Today In History: September 5th 1987
Today in History: October 3rd, 1955. Captain Kangaroo Debuts
Today in History: September 22, 2007: Marcel Marceau, R.I.P.
Today In King Kong History: August 10th, 1921
Life and Death: August 16th

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