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My New Career As An Assassin Starts Now

28 Jun

June 28, 2016

007 blog header

I received this unsolicited email yesterday. It got past my spam filters so it must be legit, right?

info (stina@furumon.lby.se);silvio_escobar@mail.com

Dear candidate,

We have a job in your area and we would like you to participate and complete the assignment.

Job Description :
1. You will receive funds for the task.
2. You will receive instructions for the task you via email in the location and details of the task.
3. You must complete the task as quickly as possible and quietly.

Once you sign up you will access to training materials and consederation.

The assignment will give you $200 per job of 2 assignment a week.

Provide the following information below if you interested:

1. Full Name :___
2  Your Address :___
3. Citys / States / Countrys :___
4. Zip Codes :___
5. Phones :___
6. Ages : .___
7. Gender :___
8. E-Mail :___

Thank you for participation. Your response would be greatly appreciated.

Best Regards,
Kenny Miller
Official Recruitment

There’s no company name and no description of the job. It came from a foreign server and refers to a “task” which must be done “as quickly as possible and quietly.” 

I think they want me to kill someone. I think I am being hired as an assassin.

Career change!

007 blog

______________

FYI- that’s the real email, with the real sender’s information at the top and the real errors and misspellings. If you are interested in either becoming an assassin or having your identity stolen, contact them at your own risk. Tell ’em Mr. Blog sent ya!

Billy and The Dead Meat

25 Jun

June 25, 2016

Are you ready? I’ve got another GREAT idea! I know I have a pretty bad track record at great ideas. My last great movie idea was Hamsterus! Remember that? The touching story of a young boy and his giant radioactive hamster. I tried to get that filmed but there were several roadblocks in my way, such as lack of talent. But I’ve got another AWESOME MOVIE IDEA!

Are you listening, Hollywood? Good.

Mystery is played out. Love stories? Yesterday’s news. How about a good old fashioned Western? Nah. And sci-fi? Unless your name is Mr. Star Wars, tough luck. But I’ve got it.

There hasn’t been a really good stoner film since Seth Rogan and James Franco put out whatever their last piece of crap was. So what we need is a really hysterical stoner comedy. Pot is funny! And that’s what I’ve got in mind. If anyone is going to make stoner movies great again, I will. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you…

Yes, I am determined to use a bunch of my old logos in this post.

Yes, I am determined to use a bunch of my old logos in this post.

BILLY AND THE DEAD MEAT!

I can hear you now! “Mr. Blog, that sounds amazing! We can’t wait to see your new movie, Billy and The Dead Meat. We love you! We want to have sex with you! Sell me a dozen tickets right now for a ridiculous price! We will pay anything!”

Yeah! I will be happy to take your money! (The sex thing? Not so much, for most of you. Send pictures.) But I think I should probably tell you a little bit more about this incredible film that will totally change your life and make me rich.

See?

See?

Billy is your typical teenage pot smoker. Now I don’t smoke pot and have no idea what teenagers are into nowadays (is Tokyo Drift still a thing?) but hey, how hard is it write a stoner? He smokes, forgets things, falls down and eats a lot.

He is best friends with The Dead Meat. He’s a stoner too but get this! He’s an old man. Think about it! An old man with the munchies! An old man selling pot on the street corner. HA! Old men don’t do that so it’s funny! Maybe I can throw in a medicinal marijuana joke and make it topical. It’ll be great!

Pot! Stoners! A guy called The Dead Meat! The plot? It writes itself! It writes itself so much that I’m not going to worry about writing it right now. I’m sure it won’t be too hard. I’ve got a great title. What more do I need?

All good movies start off with great movie posters.

All good movies start off with great movie posters.