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Another Star Wars Rant

15 Aug

August 15, 2016

This is it. Just what the world needs. Another Star Wars rant.

The new Rogue One trailer came out and I’m getting excited again for Star Wars. Mainly, I’m excited because George Lucas has nothing to do with it. He struck gold with A New Hope, topped himself with The Empire Strikes Back (though there is plenty of credit to go around) and should have stopped there, but Return of The Jedi is still pretty good.

The prequels not only suck but are totally insignificant. There is nothing in them you need to know. You can watch the original trilogy and have all the info you need. Remember, Lucas made the story he wanted to tell in the first three films. Everything else is just background. And the Clone Wars cartoon? That’s a whole other kettle of fish. I’ll discuss that if I ever get around to my “the Jedi and Sith are insignificant to the world of Star Wars” rant.

This rant is pretty simple. This is about how Lucas totally screwed up the Jedi uniforms in The Phantom Menace. And I’ll let pictures do the talking for me.

JEDI OUTFITS

In A New Hope, Obi-Wan is wearing simple desert garb, just like Uncle Owen and half the planet wears. But in the prequels, we find out that Obi-Wan, a Jedi in hiding, someone Darth Vader would dearly like to find if he’s alive, was hiding out while wearing his Jedi outfit. Seriously? In hiding but still in uniform? 

But check this out. That’s never what a Jedi outfit was supposed to look like. Luke, who declared himself a Jedi, wears a Jedi outfit in Return of The Jedi.

jedi outfit 2And he wore it in front of Yoda, who surely would have told Luke he was dressed like a Sith Lord, not a Jedi.

But for no good reason Lucas screwed things up right in the very first shot of The Phantom Menace.

Rant over. I’m right. George Lucas is wrong.

Always.

two jedi

I Take It Back: A Note To My Younger Self.

9 Aug

August 9, 2016

A few days ago I came across a post I wrote back in 2011. It is really short, please read it before I go on.

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April 20, 2011

Dr. Zaius’ Parenting Tips

Let me say upfront that I am not a parent so feel free to disregard my advice.

I saw this product in a catalogue today.

OK, I get that kids need to be kept safe from danger, like the calm shallow water in the first pic and the short shrubs in the second, but when you keep your kids in a cage like the one Taylor was kept in I can only say this:


 

Back to 2016. And I have to ask, what the hell was I thinking????

About a year ago, my brother, Allan Keyes, fathered two of the most adorable kids ever to grace the Earth. I know what you are thinking. Allan Keyes? A father? I wasn’t sure he had enough human DNA to procreate with a human being. Well he does and he did, and against all odds his kids are the most cute and intelligent children you could ever dream of. And they better be because when they grow up they’ll have Uncle Mr. Blog to support.

Seeing them grow and get old enough to toddle around and get into everything and everywhere, I can not only appreciate and support those gates, I will personally endorse them. Keyes has ones just like them and they are invaluable. Yes, I still think kids should be able to roam around and explore (under supervision!) but my adorable little munchkins? Damn straight I am keeping them away from those “short shrubs and shallow water.” These kids aren’t getting within 100 feet of a pointy leaf until they are 21 if I have anything to do about it. I panic when I see a scratch on one of their fingers, and little kids get scratches and boo boos all the time. And they are going to wander near a lake? I say not only put them in that cage, raise the gates another ten feet, they’re too short. If I, as an uncle, panic, I can only imagine how their parents must feel.

Plus those things make great octagons for Kiddie Fight Club (as Keyes himself pointed out.)

Anyway, I’m not too big to admit I was wrong. But don’t go too far. Not everything you see in Planet of The Apes can be adapted for parenting. 

pota diaper

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