Archive | 1:08 pm

Mr. Blog’s Tepid Zombie Review of Dancing With The Stars Week One

22 Mar

March 22, 2011- midday

I Found it (And More!) on eBay!

22 Mar

March 22, 2011

Earlier this month I found a selection of lousy stuff people actually thought would sell on eBay. They were things like a unicorn statue with a missing horn, which makes it a horse statue in my book. There were puzzles with missing pieces and celebrity underwear. This month, lacking in inspiration but needing a blog, I went back to eBay and entered the same search terms. Guess what? The broken unicorn and underwear where still there 17 days later. So I entered some new search terms and found these wonderful sales.

This is the first and last time I enter “fecal” as a search term anywhere. There are more than ten available. If your doctor is buying fecal loops in bulk from eBay it is time to change your doctor.

This remained unsold at 99 cents. And for two! That’s 49.5 cents each! Realistically, it is 50 cents for one and 49 cents for the other. I would email her and ask if I could just buy the 49 cent one. Who needs two? Actually, who needs to order one? The people who need these things tend to be in nursing homes, hospitals, or under medical care so they have them anyway. If someone is simply lazy and doesn’t like to get out of bed to go pee there are other options. Just don’t drink his bottle of apple juice.

I came across these ugly, horrible pants when I searched “damaged.” To begin with, skinny jeans on men ALWAYS look wrong. Sorry folks, they are too effeminate. But these jeans? They have other issues which I’ll get to but first there is the issue of the tail. Huh? Is it part of the pants? Is it an accessory? Does someone think that looks good? And what planet are they orbiting? These are the world’s ugliest pants. The patches, the worn look, the material, the boots they are worn with, everything in that picture screams UGLY! They only thing those pants are good for is burning.  

I can’t get past the tail.

So let me get this straight. Ten bucks for a toy plastic ice cube tray. For one buck I can get a pair of real plastic ice cube trays from the dollar store down the block. There is no difference between the real and toy versions. It isn’t like an ice cube tray is unsafe. And play value? With a toy ice cube tray my kid can pretend to make ice cubes. (Whoopee!) With a real ice cube tray my kid can pretend to make ice cubes. (Whoopee!) And then I can make ice cubes.

I am not one of those guys who thinks clowns are scary. I don’t find them funny either but they aren’t scary unless we’re talking about Pennywise from It or a serial killer. However, there is simply something creepy about a listing for a clown head with a pair of feet. That picture does nothing to make it less creepy.

You really can find anything on eBay. You just won’t want most of it.

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