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Tag Archives: clowns

Would you hire THIS gentleman for your child’s party? (Classic Majic Post!)

13 Aug

August 13, 2013

It’s those dog days of summer, and when I think of dogs I think of Allan Keyes. Here is another of my favorites from the Keyes Kollection.

 

from October 15, 2012

Hi everyone! Sorry I had no content for you the other week. (Or, given the state of my drivel, maybe it should be “you’re welcome”)  I was too engrossed in my fantasy baseball playoff finals to write. Seriously.  Anyone out there play fantasy baseball? If yes, you’ll be familiar with this. Getting into the finals are a chore, I was leading my opponent pretty good but then the guy decided to stream pitcher after pitcher and I had to match otherwise I’d basically give up several categories without a fight. But that takes lots of research, making sure I pick up good pitchers, etc. And believe me, I didn’t  invest $200 and 7 months of my life so I could lose in the finals to a guy who names his team “The Farts”. Seriously.  During the season when he won a weekly matchup he’d post the same obnoxious message in the forum “YOU JUST GAWT FARRRRRRTED ON!”  The amount of “Rs” in the word fart depended on how badly he beat you. Seriously again. So rather than have to listen to that, I spent an entire week+ researching 3rd-tier starting pitchers with names like Erasmo Ramirez  http://espn.go.com/mlb/player/_/id/31983/erasmo-ramirez  and Esmerling Vazquez.   http://espn.go.com/mlb/player/stats/_/id/29996/esmerling-vasquez  Yes, it was much fun as it sounded like.

Anyway, yes I DID win, thanks for asking.  The message I posted for “The Farts” was much too graphic and scatological to go into here. The good news is now I only have to spend Sundays watching NFL RedZone to see how my fantasy football teams did. (RG3 BABY! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!)

Yeah, I’m both a degenerate gambler and a nerd. That’s the fantasy sports demo in a nutshell. Now onto this week’s stuff!

Check out this 30 seconds of hilarity:

I see this commercial every evening on my local station and I gotta say…….HELL YEAH I’D HIRE THIS GUY FOR MY KID’S PARTY!!!!  Well, I would actually only if I was divorced and wanted to endlessly piss off the ex by hiring this epic fail clown for the worst kids party evah.

I mean, look, here’s a video of “Uncle Majic” that he posted HIMSELF. So it’s his own fault really. Note the crying birthday girl:

WHY IS HE YELLING AT THOSE KIDS SO MUCH??  It’s like having a birthday party with R. Lee Ermey as the entertainment.  And where’s “Uncle Majic” anyway? It’s just some dude in a sweater. It’s like paying to see a Madea movie and only seeing Tyler Perry.                 

        

The costume certainly does matter. Heck, if I actually shelled out for this guy part of the reason would be expressly to see him in that awfuk outfit. (Not “awful,” “awfuk.” Try it, you’ll like it. – Mr. BTR)(Thanks for not correcting my typos. – AK)  Now the gentleman in question certainly does have magic (or should I say “majic”) skills – my only magic trick is making a giant Italian hoagie disappear in short order – but I’m not sure I’d have him come yell at my kids and make my birthday child cry. But hey, the hip hop magician has got to be better than the Egytpian Magician:

PS- When searching “Uncle Majic” on google, I came across this one:

God I love/despise the internets!!!!!!

Mr. BTR here. I love Uncle Majic. If I were having a party I’d invite him just so I could heap abuse on him. But I do admire the guy. He is always on and always in character, even if his only audience is the bored guy at the car wash who couldn’t give a crap about the Hip-Hop Magician. This guy’s life is bad enough, washing cars in the middle of the night; he has to put up with this too?

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Radio Transcript of the Uncle Bosco Show, June 19th, 1946

19 Jun

June 19, 2013

CARNIVAL MUSIC SWELLS

ANNOUNCER: Hey kids, are you ready? Then stand up and clap for THE UNLCE BOSCO SHOW!

KIDS CLAPPING AND CHEERING

ANNOUNCER: Yes, that’s right, it’s time for Uncle Bosco and all his friends!  Captain Danny, Skinny, and even Sneaky the Pirate! And Aunt Pickle will be stopping by! Wow, I hope she brought one of her famous pickle pies!

KIDS CLAPPING AND CHEERING MORE LOUDLY

ANNOUNCER: But first kids, run into the kitchen and get yourself a big glass of chocolate milk made with BOSCO chocolate milk amplifier syrup! You know, the kind you ask your mom to buy every week? Because it is BOSC-OOOOH so good!

bosco

KIDS CHEERING

ANNOUNCER:  And now here he is- UNCLE BOSCO!

CARNIVAL MUSIC SWELLS

UNCLE BOSCO: Hiya kids! (pause for cheers) Today we are going on a trip to the highest mountain in the world, Mt. Tall Top! (pause for cheers) We’re going to search for the very rare BLOOP-BLOOP BIRD! Now who wants to go with me?

KIDS: Me! Me! Yay! Etc.

Uncle Bosco: Hey, look at that, I guess everyone wants to ride in Uncle Bosco’s super buzz-plane! But I see one little boy in the front row wearing his Uncle Bosco pin, which he got with only 5 tops from cans of Bosco chocolate milk amplifier syrup! Skinny, why don’t you bring him up here with me?

Skinny: Yes sir Uncle Bosco! Yippee this is a lucky boy!

Uncle Bosco: You bet he is!

Skinny: He doesn’t want to come on stage, Uncle Bosco!

Uncle Bosco: Sure he does, just take his arm and bring him –
(interrupting) Skinny: OW! He bit me!

Uncle Bosco: Now now son, settle down and-
(interrupting ) Skinny: He’s kicking me!

ANNOUNCER: Say, I think we’ll find another young Bosco-teer right after we take this commercial break for Bosco!

Uncle Bosco: That’s right, Bosco, the chocolate milk amplifier syrup that makes milk chocolaty! Swell kids all over your town are enjoying- hey!

Skinny: He’s LOOSE! THE KID IS LOOSE!

Uncle Bosco: Now kid, give Uncle Bosco back his script…

(off mic) Aunt Pickle: Where’d he go? Where’d he go?

KIDS YELLING AND SCREAMING, SOUNDS OF CHAIRS BEING KNOCKED OVER

(off mic) UNKNOWN VOICE: Kill the show, throw it to news! Kill the show!

CARNIVAL MUSIC SWELLS

ANNOUNCER: The Uncle Bosco Show was brought to you- OW! He’s under my desk! He’s biting me!

(off mic) Aunt Pickle: He’s in the control room!

(off mic) UNKNOWN VOICE: Shut it down now!

 

STATIC

Bosco2

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