Advertisements
Tag Archives: sexy

NewsFails July 2015

23 Jul

July 23, 2015

Dear The Dean of NYU School of Journalism:

Hi. I am a lifelong New York resident who would love to attend your school or university. I think that I can write some things pretty good, and I am willing to learn how to write some other things. If you accept me to your fine school or university, I promise that I will never write anything like these things below that I am going to show you.

Thank You Very Much,
Regards
Sincerely.

Bruin Z. Othello

newserw1

“Loon lake?” This article was about a loon on a lake, if you ask me.

Look, it is pretty simple. Most cats are not seafaring cats. They do not like the water. Taking a cat on a canoe is just asking for trouble. I bet that cat turned the man to kibble and kitty litter before he was 3 feet away from the dock.

newserw2

Sorry Dina, porn does not count.

I wonder if any of the offers were for her to be in a snuff film? Not that I’m saying she’s a bad actress (OK, yeah, I’m saying it) but she wouldn’t even make a convincing dead body.

The Metro is, I think, free here in NYC. They hand it out near subway stations, yet has the best headline writer of the bunch.

newserw3

Evann Gastaldo, how do you do it? How do you keep a straight face? Even the cat in the canoe article was credited to anonymous editors and staff. Glad you’re proud of this.

“So a priest, a rabbi, and a farting drummer walk into a bar.” Got it. I just wonder what it would have cost if the window was closed? Would paramedics have been called?

newserw4

I am sure that a couple of surveillance cameras would have been far less expensive.

At times like this, I am jealous of the highly trained journalists at Newser. When I write about people pooping a warehouse it is for laughs. When they do it, they get paid. If I got paid for every article about poop I wrote I’d be a millionaire. (Wait, what does that say about my blog? Uh…)

And here we are, the highlight of the month. This article was so good that I had to run it in its entirety. Here he is, The World’s Sexiest Gorilla. And wouldn’t you know it, this story comes out of Japan. (Click to enlarge.)

newserw5

Dear The Dean of NYU School of Journalism:

I think I changed my mind. I don’t want to be associated with any of this. Please send my application over to Hamburger University instead.

Thanks
Your Pal

Bruin Z. Othello

Advertisements

Gaze Into Mr. Blog’s Tepid Crystal Ball

7 Sep

September 7, 2014

This is a classic Elvgren painting. You can search this blog for more.

This is a classic Elvgren painting. You can search this blog for more.

September: End of summer
September: Back to school
September: The month before October

Yup. If you run in the circles I do, September means that soon the stores will be getting rid of the notebooks, folders, and pens they’ve been pushing and will soon be putting out Halloween decorations. It won’t be long until bats and ghouls have their way. (And then we’ll be inundated with Christmas stuff, so enjoy it while you can.)

Coming up in October, you can expect some annual features to rear their Halloween heads and rise from their graves for your enjoyment. I’ve already got my Rise of the Pumpkins tickets so a new Picture Postcard with all sorts of amazing pumpkins will be featured. I’ve also already got my Chiller Theatre tix. Will Greg “The Hammer” Valentine be drunk again? I’d bet on it. Guests this year include the Bionic Man Lee Majors and The Soup Nazi. (“Worlds are colliding!”)

And interestingly, Comic Book Men returns on October 12th.

Why is that interesting? Last season, about a year ago, Allan Keyes and I travelled to Red Bank New Jersey and filmed and episode of that show. It’s the truth. Unfortunately, that episode never aired, but if you go back about a year in this blog you’ll see a few posts (cheese shop, war memorial statue, Buddha) about things we did around the shop during a break in filming that day. I’m not sure why it didn’t air (though come October I’ll talk about it) but I’ve been sitting on an Allan Keyes blog for a year. I signed a contract stating that I couldn’t talk about my backstage experiences until the show aired, but I think I’m no longer bound by it, so I’ll run the Keyes blog and my own posts. But here’s a not-so-spoiler: It is pretty fake and Kevin Smith is never there. After October 12th we’ll tell all.

I haven’t forgotten September, though. You’ve got a lot of good stuff coming up, I promise.

 

.

 

%d bloggers like this: