Tag Archives: Mr. T.

Return Of The Grammar Fool

5 Jan

January 5, 2018

Longtime readers of this blog may recall that when this blog began, I was an English teacher. Since then I moved on, first to the Company I Am not allowed to name and now to a position as a freelance investigator. What do these jobs have in common? They were all silly enough to pay me.

(EDITOR’S NOTE: The phrase “longtime readers of this blog” may now be an anachronism. The longest-time reader, Mr. Al Bickley, has been a proud subscriber since day one, when this blog first appeared on MySpace. However, he has been in a medically induced coma since 2012 and while technically still a subscriber, he is definitely no longer a reader. The second-longest tenured reader is my Aunt Edwina, whose constant requests to be unsubscribed from my blog have been cheerfully ignored for years, since I know them to be nothing more than playful jests. Though that does not explain why she doesn’t invite me for Thanksgiving anymore.)

But sometimes, the old English-teaching days still haunt me. If you have the stomach for it, go back and check out the many blogs where I complain about bad grammar. (Here’s one making fun of Michael Bloomberg.)  HA HA HA, boy was that annoying. What was I thinking?

I’ll tell you what I was thinking. Read this, which is an actual status I posted on Facebook today.

Let someone else deal with OBJ.

Get it? It works on two levels. It’s funny because A- it’s a bad snowstorm and B- the Giants stink. I’ll take my West Coast Wildcat offense somewhere else, thank you very much.

But here’s where the grammar stuff kicks in. It’s that word “today.” That pesky “today.” There were three ways to write that post.
1- The snow is so bad that I’m skipping my interview today for Giants head coach.
2- The snow is so bad that I’m skipping my interview for Giants head coach today.
3- The snow is so bad today that I’m skipping my interview for Giants head coach.

Speaking now as a former paid English expert, the word “today,” in this context, acts as some sort of adjective modifier thingy, emphasizing that the interview was today (option 1), rather than emphasizing that the position was to be the Giants head coach today (option 2), which would be inaccurate. (But as I read this back, I think option 3, emphasizing that the snow was so bad today, was the way to go. Oh well.) 

See? It makes sense. I realize that most of you don’t care (so why are you still reading? This is the internet, go find some wrestling rumors or tweet or something) but hey, I actually put thought into that stupid status update.

The moral of the story? It is a snowy day, I’m stuck indoors, and this is what happens.

.

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Pool Pool! The Christmas Toy That Should Have Been (Christmas 2013)

25 Dec

December 25, 2013

Did any of you find Pool Pool under your Christmas tree this morning? Alas, no one did. I was poised to make a lot of money off that toy until a certain mohawked celebrity got in my way.

August 21, 2012

Anyone who blogs (you know who you are, don’t deny it) knows that there is precious little money in blogging. See those ads on the side and top of my blog? Haven’t seen a check yet. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t need to make money. Sure, people think of blogging as a glamorous and ritzy occupation but in reality we need real jobs. Now while I work at the unnamed for security reasons Company which I Am Employed by, I still need to supplement my income.

A few years back I dove into the world of toys and invented a product which I promoted heavily here on bmj2k.com. From 2008, here are three Classic Reposts. Plus, as a bonus, I’ll update you on the success of my new venture as well.

————————

Now Ready for Beta-Testing

from July 31, 2008

Hi all. I haven’t had time to blog much lately because I’ve been spending all my time in the research labs perfecting a new game I’ve developed. I hope it will become as big as Monopoly or Hungry Hungry Hippos. It is currently ready for beta-testing.

I call it POOL POOL. It is an inflatable billiards game you play in the swimming pool. I nearly have all the bugs worked out. The only flaw is that the chalk keeps clogging the pool filter but I am working on it.

The work is going smoothly. I decided to continue my efforts in the field of swimming pool games despite the mistake I made, the tragic mistake, in my understanding of the rules of water polo. I have settled most of the lawsuits, but I still have PETA and NYRA on my back.

I hope to have POOL POOL in stores in time for the big Christmas swimming pool season. It will make a great stocking stuffer.

—————————————————————

POOL POOL update!

from August 8, 2008

Work on POOL POOL is moving ahead nicely. It is projected to be the most demanded toy of the 2008 Christmas pool season!

In recent weeks I have made advances to improve the playability. In addition to solving the clogged filter issue, I am pleased to announce a celebrity endorsement which will further enhance the POOL POOL experience.

I am thrilled to announce the pending launch of:

Mr. T’s “I Pity the Fool POOL POOL”™

 New features include a set of water-proof markers. Players can write the names of “fools” on the billiard balls. The cue ball has been renamed “The Pityer” ® and is used to shoot the “fools” into the “I Pity the Fool Splash Zone”®

Mr. T’s “I Pity the Fool POOL POOL”™ can be played in any outdoor or indoor swimming pool.

Don’t have a pool? You can play Mr. T’s “I Pity the Fool POOL POOL”™ in your bathtub!

Don’t have a bathtub? Play Mr. T’s “I Pity the Fool POOL POOL”™ online on our soon-to-be launched Mr. T’s “I Pity the Fool POOL POOL ONLINE SPLASH ZONE!”©

I proudly expect further exciting news in the weeks to come!

———————————————–

NOW IN STOCK!

from November 23, 2008

NOW AVAILABLE!

MR. T’S “I PITY THE FOOL POOL POOL” ™

IN STORES NOW!

Yes, just in time for the big Christmas/Hanukkah pool toy rush, my new hit gift MR. T’S “I PITY THE FOOL POOL POOL”™ is now in stock at all fine toy retailers and pool supply warehouses.

FOR A LIMITED TIME ONLY, fans can get a GENUINE LIMITED EDITION SIGNED AND NUMBERED LITHOGRAPH with your purchase!

The first 950,000 sets of MR. T’S “I PITY THE FOOL POOL POOL”™ come with an exclusive lithograph of Mr. T himself knocking an opponent into the I PITY THE FOOL SPLASH ZONE with his own MR. T PITYER, sold separately. The lithograph was designed by the craftsmen at Zebenco Industries, who previously made the limited edition Ron Popeil Pocket Fisherman lithograph.

MR. T’S “I PITY THE FOOL POOL POOL”™is the ONLY swimming pool billiards game on the market. Buy yours NOW before they sell out!™

———————————————

NEW UPDATE!

August 21, 2012

I’m sorry to say that not only did Pool Pool not make me rich, I was later sued by Mr. T, who ended up owning the rights to both Pool Pool and my follow-up invention, Water Wars. My only consolation is that in 2009 I was able to get a court order to Stop Mr. T from blogging under the site name Mr. T’s T-Pid Ride.

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

← Older Entries

%d bloggers like this: