Tag Archives: classic

Seinfeld 2017

31 Jan

January 31, 2017

Wondering what George and Jerry are bickering about these days? Wonder no more. It’s…

800px-seinfeld_logo-2017George: Hey, didn’t you like my joke?
Jerry: What joke?
G: The one I texted you last night. About how Barack Obama’s dog gets the Secret Service to keep other dogs away from his fire hydrant?
J: Oh yeah, it was funny.
G: You thought it was funny?
J: Yeah, not bad, Georgie Boy.
G: (annoyed) So where was my emoji?

george-1

J: Your what?
G: You didn’t send me a smiley face. You didn’t even LOL.
J: Oh come on!
G: Yes! Yes! If it’s funny you’re supposed to send an emoji. That’s what you do. If you like something you send a thumbs up, or a smiley face. If it’s funny you write back LOL or maybe send a gif of a laughing monkey.
J: Why would I do that when I’ve got a laughing monkey right here?
G: (angry) You owe me an emoji Jerry!
J: I don’t send out emojis that easily. Your joke was barely a chuckle. It wasn’t emoji-worthy.

jerry-shrug

G: This is not how the internet works! People send all kinds of emojis. Kramer sends emojis all the time!
J: Oh, Kramer! He doesn’t know an LOL from an ROTFL!
G: You owe me an emoji Jerry!
J: And you owe me $235 for my drone you crashed last week trying to see the Giants for free.
G: (contrite) Let’s call it even.

george-costanza-jerry-seinfeld

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NEWSFLASH! Volcano Erupts, Sinks Gilligan’s Island

26 May

May 26, 2015

Here’s a news story you may have missed:

Howell fortune

Here’s the text:

VOLCANO ERUPTS, SINKS GILLIGAN’S ISLAND
Thurston Howell III Fortune Feared Lost

AP News Service May 5th, 1981

A volcanic eruption which sunk a small South Pacific island may also have sunk the fortunes of one of America’s most celebrated millionaires.

After weeks of oceanic tremors, scientists confirm that a volcano erupted on the island of Palu Makalu, popularly known as “Gilligan’s Island” since the discovery and rescue of the survivors of the S.S. Minnow shipwreck in 1978. The island is now submerged in the depths off the continental shelf.

Among the survivors was eccentric millionaire Thurston Howell III, who made his fortune in the stock market in the post-war era. He later founded Howell Industries, which produced everything from ticker-tape to typewriter ribbons. Although profits had been declining in later years, due to the changing of technology, he recently doubled his assets after winning a bet on the Harlem Globetrotters to beat their robotic duplicates, in a match played at his resort on the island.

A spokesman for Mr. Howell released the following statement:

“The rumors of the loss of the Howell fortune are greatly exaggerated. When the island sank, it took with it 55 trunks of cash and bonds, which Thurston Howell III buried on the island to keep it safely away from the constant misadventures of Gilligan. However, Mr. Howell has invested heavily in new technologies, and we are confident that his acquisition of controlling interest in Betamax tape and 8-track cartridge corporations will position Howell Industries for future success in the 80’s and beyond.”

The other castaways, reacting to the loss of their island home of 14 years, universally blamed Gilligan for causing the eruption with one of his silly blunders.

In a related story, scientists say the Palu Makalu tribe of native headhunters may now be extinct.

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