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Make Donald Trump Great Again

27 Feb

February 27, 2016

You may not have heard, but Donald Trump is running for President. He hasn’t revealed his pick for VP yet, but I suspect it’ll be him too. Somehow he’ll figure out a way to be his own Vice President, because if one Donald Trump is good, two is great.

The idea of a Trump presidency has a lot of people excited. Take that any way you like.

But one group that loves LOVES the idea of President Trump is late night shoppers. I was watching the knife show on TV the other night (or morning, take your pick, it was about 4 am.) This is a show in which a guy who just walked into the studio sells knives that he knows little about.

“This knife has a wood handle. Looks like teak. Maybe that’s maple. But it’s solid, I’ll tell you that.”

This was their 90 second special. It was the second time I saw this for sale in the past week (yes, I have insomnia) and both times it sold out faster than Hillary Clinton to a special interest.

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Yes, that is the Donald Trump knife. And no, it is not an official campaign product. So on the one hand, I’m sure that the capitalist in Trump would love it, but on the other hand, the egomaniac in Trump would hate it since he’s not getting a cent from it.

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My favorite part of the whole thing is the picture they choose. Look at the scowl on Trump’s face. If he becomes President, I hope that’s what his official portrait looks like. That’s a very Presidential scowl, much like FDR had when confronting Mussolini. Maybe.

Not only does this knife say “I support Donald Trump,” it also says “I’ll cut you if you don’t.” Nothing will make America great again like pulling this knife on an illegal immigrant.

 

 

 

 

Imponderable #128: I Can’t Remember

27 Feb

February 27, 2016

Today’s Imponderable comes from the world of news radio. This was heard on the venerable 1010 WINS of New York.

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This is a legitimate story about research that shows that losing weight is linked to an improvement in memory. That’s all well and good, but a little research of my own brought me to articles as old as 2011, leading me to wonder what 1010 WINS defines as “breaking news.” I expect them to break in with a special report on the capture of the Unibomber any time now.

But my real problem isn’t with the news, it is on the reporting. They quoted unnamed “researchers” as saying

“how can people lose weight if they don’t remember that they’ve eaten?”

At this point, I would like tell you the totally true fact that about seven years ago I looked into getting a job at 1010 WINS as a news writer and I was told that not only were there no openings, they only had one writer. I know I could have done a much better job than the guy who wrote this story.

Is weight gain due to the fact that people simply forget that they’ve eaten? Is that why I ate two Thanksgiving dinners last year, I simply forgot the first meal of turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, and gravy so I had a second one because I was worried that I hadn’t had dinner yet? And that must explain why I binge ate a whole bag of Oreos last week. After I ate each cookie, I simply forgot that I ate it, so by the time I got to the end of the bag I was convinced that I only ate one cookie and was totally flummoxed about how a brand new bag could be empty after only one Oreo.

Is being overweight simply due to “food amnesia”?
No.

Does 1010 WINS have a clue about reporting?
The question is Imponderable.

And yes, I am totally coining the phrase “food amnesia.”

 

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