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Tag Archives: racist

Allan Keyes: Back In Black… and brown

19 Nov

November 19, 2016

Ladies and Gentlemen, my apologies. Once again, I present Allan Keyes. (I’m out of here.)

From the Department of Don’t Blame Me:

keyes
Hey, I’m back!
Now I know, after reading that sentence, several questions come to mind:
-Where ya been?
-Who are you again?
-How quickly till you go away?

Well, I USED to post quasi-regularly here, when Mr. B would whine enough to get me off my ever-fattening ass. I USED to be someone. And now, what I am is “Daddy.” And that’s why I’ve been absent from posting. Because when you have multiple infants who feel that sleep is optional, throwing up some content for a blog – even the lazy, thoughtless stuff I churn out – may as well be trying to learn quantum physics. TIRED. Those 3am diapers won’t change themselves.

AND SPEAKING OF DIAPERS…… the other day, Baby Girl Keyes (NOTE: Not her real name) was dressed very fashionably in an outfit that featured pants covered with all of the Disney princesses.

Disney Princesses

Awww…

She was her usual self, racing around as fast as her hands and feet could carry her, yelling like a lunatic (LIKE FATHER LIKE DAUGHTER!) when she went very calm and still. Which is never a good sign with her. So, being the good father I am, I called for Wife Keyes (NOTE: Her real name) to come check her. And when that didn’t work, I paused 90-Day Fiancee (and we will talk about that show in a future post) and went to check on the kid.

Well now…turns out the kid took one of those diaper-bursting monster dumps that went all the way up her back and down her legs. But as I help her up to run her to the changing table (read: cardboard box covered in newspapers) the only thing I could really notice was all the faces of those Disney princesses were slowly turning brown.

Ewww...

Ewww…

It was hilarious – all these princesses starting to look like Archie Bunker in blackface putting on a minstrel show. (All in the Family season 6 episodes 14 and 15, Birth of The Baby parts 1 and 2. What, you thought I made that up?)

archie-1

archie-3

archie-4

fat-guy-in-whie-face-reverse-archie-with-balloon

archie-the-fat-black-rapist

blackface-bunker-disapproves

NOTE: These images are, of course, ridiculous, and if anyone is offended, just remember that this is Archie Bunker and if anyone was not a role model and didn’t deserve to emulated, it was him.

Plus, this is a post about baby poop and stains. Don’t look for political or racial discourse here.

 

 

 

 

 

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Mel Gibson vs. The Spacemen part 2: Maybe He’s Not Nuts?

27 Jul

July 27, 2010

Well folks, someone is nuts here, and maybe it isn’t Mel Gibson. A few days ago, you’ll recall Oh Faithful Reader, that I posted a blog in which I may have implied that Mel Gibson was being targeted by aliens who keep attacking his lawn.  Fiction? Perhaps not.

From The Metro, http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/835482-man-hit-by-six-meteorites-is-being-targeted-by-aliens

Tom Phillips – 19th July, 2010
Man hit by six meteorites is being ‘targeted by aliens’

A Bosnian man who claims he is being targeted by extraterrestrials after a series of meteorite strikes on his house has now been hit by a sixth space rock in the space of a few years.

The Meteorite Man. What did he do to piss off the aliens?

Radivoje Lajic first came to international attention in 2008, shortly after the fifth meteorite had crashed into the roof of his house in the northern village of Gornji Lajici.

And now, within the past month, another rock has hit the roof of his house, in defiance of all the odds – making it six strikes since the plague of meteorites began in 2007.

Experts at Belgrade University have confirmed that all the falling rocks he has handed over were meteorites. They are now trying to work out what exactly it is about his house that particularly attracts them. The strikes always happen when it is raining heavily, he says, never when there are clear skies.

Lajic has his own explanation, of course. After the fifth rock struck his house, he said: ‘I am obviously being targeted by extraterrestrials. I don’t know what I have done to annoy them but there is no other explanation that makes sense. The chance of being hit by a meteorite is so small that getting hit six times has to be deliberate.’

50-year-old Lajic has had a steel girder reinforced roof put on the house to protect it from the alien bombardment – which he funded by selling one of the meteorites to a university in the Netherlands.

‘I have no doubt I am being targeted by aliens,’ he adds. ‘They are playing games with me. I don’t know why they are doing this. When it rains I can’t sleep for worrying about another strike.’

While this man is no Mel Gibson, may I remind you that Mel Gibson is no Radivoje Lajic. And if Average Joe Bosnian can be the target of extra-terrestrial attacks, is it so hard to believe that Average Lunatic Racist Mel Gibson could be under attack? We all remember his last film, The Passion of the Xergib, in which he portrayed all Hys’tr’A-Yans as evil Xergib killers. Is it too hard to believe they are leaving protest crop circles on his lawn? Perhaps not.

Just to be safe, I burned my copy of What Women Want. That film sucked anyway.

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