Tag Archives: danger

Mr. Blog’s Tepid Gun Permit

8 Apr

April 8, 2022

YEEE HAW and Howdy, Mr. Blog’s Bucakroos! Why is your old pal Hombre Blog talking like he’s gone plumb loco? That’s because I HAVE! YAAAAHOOOO!

You see, Mr. Blog is about to go on vacation, and not just any vacation, Mr. Blog is on his way to one of those crazy southern states where gun laws are lax and the death penalty abounds! And I have to tell you, Mr. Blog is so excited about this, he is/I am talking about Mr. Blog/myself in the third person! How zag-nutty is that???

Yes indeed, I am excited because while I am in the largely lawless South, I am going to get myself a gun permit. Yes indeed. A permit. A gun permit! Take that, lawbreakers and criminals! Screw you, first and/or fifth Amendment haters, whichever is the right to bear arms Amendment. GUN PERMIT!

What? No, no, I am not getting a gun. Are you crazy? A gun? Those things are dangerous. And to tell the truth, I stay away from them at a respectful distance, like you would an angry dog or the Pope.

But a gun permit? Oh HELL YEAH! That’ll show them I am a man not to be messed with. “Hey! You Mr. Subway Mugger-Man! Yeah, I’m talking to you. Don’t come any closer, I have a gun permit!” That’ll show him the type of man I am. I am a man licensed by the government to have a gun! I am a possibly potentially Dangerous Dan Dude. “Yeah, I got a gun permit. Want to see it? Yeah punk, John Law says I can carry heat. So STAY BACK! I COULD BE A BAD MAN!”

Walking down the street late at night, who cares? I’ll let money drip out of my pocket like a leaky hose, no one will mess with me, I have a gun permit and I very well could be packing serious heat if I damn well wanted to, which I don’t, but I could, so stay back. LOOK AT MY GUN PERMIT, SKELL! Put on your glasses, fool, there is fine print at the bottom. I am responsible enough to be allowed to carry a gun and scared of them enough not to, but you don’t know that, do you? Do you?

007 has a license, I have a permit. SAME THING. Yeah, I am totally getting a gun permit. That’ll show everyone. I am allowed to carry a gun! Stay way back! Respect my author-it-tay! I may not have a gun, but I could if I wanted to, I am allowed! PERMIT!

Yeah, total tough guy here. Gun permit. I also have a dog license. Maybe I have a Rottweiler in my pocket too, want to find out? Yeah, gun permit!*

* Please Note: Mr. Blog will not be getting a gun permit. Signed, Mr. Blog’s wife.

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Mr. Blog, P.I.

28 Feb

February 28, 2021

Longtime readers of this blog who have not yet unsubscribed know that Mr. Blog has at various times been employed as a teacher, part-time pickle salesman, agent of a Company I Am not allowed to name, and now as a private investigator.

I handle insurance cases for corporate clients, mostly, but also do work for New York City and State. In my years as a PI I have read autopsy reports, submitted Freedom of Information Requests, and watched surveillance footage of a mechanic getting mooned. (It was even funnier than you think.)

Confidentiality requires that I do not name names or keep personal video, or trust me, that mooned mechanic would have been all over the internet.  

About a year and a half ago I handled a construction claim where the claimant alleged injury while hauling debris down a ramp. Typical construction WC claim (Workers Compensation). As DoF (Director of Field Operations for my company) I had my investigators interview the insured owner, take witness statements, obtain photos and measurements of the ramp and equipment in question, obtain surveillance footage of the accident (in this case, no video cameras were on site) and get all pertinent documents- leases, COI (certificate of insurance), accident reports, etc.

It sounds simple and it should be, but factor in lack of cooperation since no company owner ever seems to think they need to speak to us despite our being there to defend them, and this can drag on for months. This case was completed in about 6 weeks. I filed two reports and it was over, on my end. On the insurance company’s end, cases like this drag on for (on average) two to six years. If the claimant has no identification or documentation, or the insured company has kept no records, both being common in construction, it can go on and on.

So that was 2019. Last week, I was forwarded an anonymous tip in this matter. It alleged (I will use generalities, no specifics) that the injured party in that old accident case was a major drug dealer who flew on a certain airline to certain cities to get drugs and bring them to New York. The email listed specific cities and months of travel and detailed the way this person funneled money though various accounts to buy the drugs. The anonymous tipster said that the claimant was lying about getting hurt and had faked injuries before to get money to buy “huge” amounts of drugs. It suggested that we subpoena his travel records and bank accounts.

OK.

(FYI, I cannot subpoena anything. Common misconceptions are that a PI can subpoena anything- we can serve subpoenas and write them on behalf of others, but not for ourselves- and that we can obtain ambulance records, 911 calls and medical records. We cannot. Those require HIPPA authorizations from the patient.)

I spoke with the insurance carrier who asked me if I could verify the facts of the email. I told her no, not the specifics, but we would delve into his background and see what we can find. (Background searches are fairly common in accident cases, but we had not done one in this case as it wasn’t necessary.)

It took awhile to pinpoint the correct person since it isn’t as easy as searching a name. You need pedigree info and we had very little but once we found the correct individual, here’s what we found:

The subject was the subject of a Federal sting operation and he was caught bringing very, very large amounts of cocaine to New York from other states. He had a long record of violent drug offenses and spent a lot of time in prison. He was also very litigious, suing the NYPD and the Police Commissioner for false arrest. One news article quoted him as complaining about the food in prison. So no, I reported, we can’t verify the specific facts of the email but generally, yes, this was (and I quote from my verbal report) “one bad dude.”

After careful consideration, the lawyer I consulted with from the insurance company asked me if I could set up a fake drug buy.

No, I replied. No

I wrote up my report and billed it out, as any good private investigator would.

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