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Fun With Really Bad Photoshop: Superman

18 May

May 18, 2015

The two or three surviving regular readers of this blog (used to be six, sorry about the bird flu) know that I am terrible with Photoshop. I am so terrible that I put it in italics, and you know that’s bad. How bad is it? My Photoshop skills are so bad that I don’t even have Photoshop! That’s right, all the lousy Photoshop is actually lousy Paint.

Anyway, I was surfing the net looking for porn doing research for my Master’s thesis in advanced quantum theory when I came across a panel from a Silver Age issue of Superman. Back then, Superman had such powers as super-ventriloquism, super-kiss (lucky Lois!) and the ability to rip a cellophane version of his symbol off his chest and smother a super-villain, for a second or two, until it disappears leaving no ill-effects. Seriously, Superman II, what were you thinking?

Well, he also had a super-sneeze, one which was so powerful that he could destroy whole solar systems. Why they didn’t bring that back in the New 52 is beyond me.

Anyway, it just seemed to me that a super-sneeze is silly, but with a little Photoshop trickery (very little) I could make that same power, with just a little tweak, very funny.

silly funny

How about that? Seamless! You’d hardly know that I am the Photoshop user equivalent of a one-armed spider monkey.

But seriously, or at least as seriously as you can take a discussion of Superman farting, isn’t it logical that if Superman’s body could generate the pressure to release a super-sneeze, it could also release a super-fart?

DC really needs to explore this.

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Imponderable #126: That Guy On The Radio Is Trying To Kill Me

11 May

May 11, 2015

Imagine this. You’re driving along and you hear the text message sound on your phone. You look at it but there’s no message. Then a voice on the radio says “Did you just look at your phone?” And the sound plays again and you look down again. Then the voice on the radio says “You did it again, didn’t you?”

That actually happened to me.

It was a public service announcement about the dangers of texting and driving. This is a real psa that is currently airing here in New York, maybe where you are too. It goes on to warn you that an average text takes your eyes off the road for five seconds and that it is dangerous to text and drive.

Well, OK, true, so why did they play the sound not once but twice? That was twice I could have been tempted to look away from the road. I didn’t look at my phone, and maybe you wouldn’t either, but I am sure there are teenagers who are so addicted to their phones that they looked down both times. Is it worth the risk if even one person was fooled into thinking it was real? And did I say they played the sound twice? In a 30 second commercial they played the dangerous sound a ridiculous 5 times. It’s like they are trying to goad people into a wreck.

What are they thinking? Would they hand people a loaded gun and encourage them to play Russian Roulette?

The question is Imponderable.

You can hear the dangerous ad for yourself right here, courtesy of the Ad Council. Please don’t listen in the car. https://www.psacentral.org/campaign/Texting_and_Driving_Prevention/asset/Look_Down/13971

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