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The Storm of 2017 that Wasn’t

11 Mar

March 11, 2017


Yup, that’s the way they handled NYC’s recent “snow storm.” They scared us so much the they even roused Mayor Boss DiBlassio into action. He canceled alternate side parking a full 24 hours before a single snowflake fell. It’s amazing what an unpopular Mayor facing reelection will do.

This was supposed to be a fairly short but moderately evil storm. It was going to come in fast, dump it’s load, and get out. (“That’s what she said!”) It was going to usher in gale-force winds and freezing temperatures. If you did not already have milk and bread you had better by golly rush out and get some since we were due for- hold on to your hat!- up to five inches of snow, meaning if you needed some milk you’d have to put on your boots first as you walked down the block to the bodega that seems to be on every corner here. So no, we weren’t expecting much snow, but we were warned of huge gusts of freezing wind, heavy, almost blinding snow, and periods of extreme icy conditions.

What we got was this:

Look closely. There’s some heavy frost on those windows.

And that was at the height of the storm. Later on it turned bright, sunny, and downright pleasant.

Normally there’s no point in making fun of inaccurate weather forecasts. It happens all the time. But what made this one special was watching the morning weathermen vainly and sadly cling to their forecasts. Mike Woods on FOX 5 in particular was lost and adrift. As the hours and hours went on with no snow, and he and all weathermen looking foolish, he desperately tried to come up with a reason- any reason at all, why his forecast still said 3 to 5 inches of snow and windy conditions at 8 am on a very dry and conspicuously snow-free morning. At one point he said that he could see snow on the radar but it must not be hitting the ground. The news anchors were ribbing him, he looked confused, and once again, the faith we don’t put in any weather forecast was justified. 

Before this debacle, the weatherheads were predicting an even worse storm on this coming Monday into Tuesday, with (they claimed) the possibility of a foot of snow. After this morning, the weathermen are walking it back with “the models are sketchy” and “we’ll have to wait and see.”

Good advice. 




Dear McDonald’s Corporation

22 Feb

February 22, 2016

TO: Director of Operations, McDonald’s Corporation <DirectOps@McD.chzbrg>

FROM: Bruin Z. Othello <>

RE: Business Opportunity

To Whom It May Concern:

I am a third year film student at Millburn University. As such, I am in a unique positon to offer you my services. I am interested in obtaining your financing to produce my documentary “Mayor McCheese: Civil Servant on a Bun.”

I propose to delve into the little-known history of the iconic Mayor and beloved burger shill. This documentary will answer the questions the public has about Mayor McCheese. What are his duties as Mayor of McDonaldland? What do his constituents think of him? Where did they find a grill big enough to cook his head?

I envision this filmed in a stark black and white first-person style, similar to my freshman production “Burger King: Whatever Happened to the Whaler?” All I require from you is the financing to buy film, equipment, assistants, and miscellaneous expenses.

Together, we can make this film a reality. Mayor McCheese has been in the public eye for many years, and now we can shine a light on this public personality’s private background.

Thank You

Bruin Z. Othello

McDonaldland's first three-term Mayor!

McDonaldland’s first three-term Mayor!

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