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Final Score: Mets 1, Fans 0

28 May

May 28, 2016

Today the Mets are celebrating the 30th anniversary of the 1986 World Series Championship team. There will be a great celebration at Citifield with the members of the 86 team reuniting, with highlights, events, and giveaways. However, thanks to the usual incompetence of their owner, Fred Wilpon, most of the team’s fans won’t see any of it. Frankly, Cheap Freddie doesn’t care.

So how did Wilpon mess it up?
1- He scheduled it on the Memorial Day weekend, a time when people have travel plans, or go to the beach, or barbecue. It will be close to 90 degrees here in New York and many people won’t be watching. But that doesn’t matter because…
2- The celebration will take place an hour before the actual game. Problem is, the game is being aired on FOX (which is even worse than ESPN when it comes to ruining games) and they will not be showing the celebration. They may show highlights during the game, but fans want to cheer the players, the classic moments, the plays, everything the celebration has to offer, not a clip dropped in between pitches. The irony is that Fred Wilpon also owns sports channel SNY, which airs the majority of the Met games. They are the Mets home station and had they the rights to air this game they would show every second of the pre-game celebration. But FOX has this game. And Freddie knew it.

So why did New York Mets owner Fred Wilpon schedule the celebration on a day when most people would have other plans and the television network would not show it? Why did he guarantee that most fans won’t see the celebration? He did it because the Mets are playing the Los Angeles Dodgers. The Mets and Dodgers are not heated rivals. They do not have a celebrated history together. The simple, sad truth is the Fred Wilpon is a Dodgers fan. That’s all. This is not a guess or a theory. Freddie has talked and talked about his love of the Dodgers. When the Mets new stadium was built, it was designed as a replica of Ebbets Field, home of the Brooklyn Dodgers. When you enter, the lobby is a tribute to- you guessed it- the Brooklyn Dodgers, with pictures and displays of the Dodgers, and the highlight was (and still is) a giant tribute to Jackie Robinson. Jackie never played for the Mets. So the Mets 86 World Series tribute is on the worst possible day simply because New York Mets Team Owner Freddie is a Dodgers fan.

mad-mr-met-at-citi-field-copy

But that’s not all. Awful Fred Wilpon also ruined the day for most of the fans who will be in the stands today. Here’s the next way Wilpon messed it up.
3- The Mets are giving away replica World Series rings to the first 15,000 fans in the stadium. Sounds like a lot, right? Well, no. Citifield will be sold out today and the stadium holds 45,000 fans. So 15,000 fans get rings and 30,000 fans get ugatz. In other words, Fred Wilpon has created an event where it is GUARANTEED that 2/3 of the fans will be given NOTHING but bad feelings. Unless you count an empty wallet, since parking costs $23 and even a hot dog is $6.25, highest in the major leagues.

The night before was jersey night. ALL fans got a replica jersey. So on the actual celebration day, why cheap out? The Mets don’t even pay for the giveaways. Oh no, not a penny is pried out of Freddie’s iron-clad wallet. These are sponsored. The sponsor pays for these. All the Mets need to do is add to the contract that there be enough giveaway rings for everyone. If the sponsor can’t afford it, get another. This is NEW YORK and this team went to the WORLD SERIES last year. There is no shortage of potential sponsors.

But this is a Fred Wilpon team. Last year they were sponsored by- this is true!- SendInTheClowns. com. Can you imagine a more appropriate company?

clowns mets

So get ready for the Mets Celebration!
Get ready to not see it!
Get ready to not get the free gift!

Wilpon sucks.

 

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It’s A Snuff Film!

20 May

May 20, 2016

This idea originated with my friend Marc and I way, way back. That’s why Chris Farley, who died almost 20 years ago, is in it. 

Interviewer Chop Hallipop: A typical Hollywood lightweight with a toothy grin.
Director Pierre D. Brody: First-time director, slightly pompous
Chris Farley: Rotund, stoned actor
David Hasslehoff (wearing Baywatch shorts and Knight Rider jacket): Pretty much himself

UNSEEN Dame Judi Dench
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VOICE OVER: Welcome to Movie News Now! Tonight, Lola O’Neil looks behind the scenes of the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie and gets some makeup tips from Leonardo. Flem Mercer is in the studio with part two of his interview with screen legend Jake Lloyd. But first, here’s Chop Hallipop sitting down with the stars and director of Killing Judi Dench, the controversial new film by Director Pierre D. Brody. Take it away Chop!

CHOP HALLIPOP: Thanks voice over! Ha ha! You’re great! (Looks into camera) Hi everyone, I’m Chop Hallipop. (Smiles) All of Hollywood is talking about the upcoming film Killing Judi Dench. We’ve got the inside scoop with the cast and director, right here in our Movie News Now! studio. Pierre D. Brody, you’re the director, producer, and writer. Is it true that this is a snuff film?

PIERRE D. BRODY: That’s right Chop. It’s a return to the good old days of filmmaking.

CHOP: For those of us who aren’t familiar, can you tell us what exactly a snuff film is?

PIERRE: Sure, Chop. A snuff film is actually a reality film, not unlike Big Brother or The Bachelor. In it, an actor gets murdered right on screen. We actually filmed the real murder of one of our cast!

CHOP: Wow, they never did that on The Bachelor!

PIERRE: I assure you, no one else would have the guts.

CHOP: (Looking at the camera, flashing his big toothy grin) One of the big mysteries surrounding this film is who actually gets killed. Pierre D. Brody, can you give us a scoop?

PIERRE: Sorry Chop, ha ha, I can’t give that away. You’ll just have to buy a ticket.

CHOP: Killing Judi Dench has a stellar, some would say killer, heh heh, cast, including Chris Farley, David Hasslehoff, and of course Dame Judi Dench. We have two of the stars right here with me on set. Chris, David, welcome to Movie News Now!

hoff

DAVID HASSLEHOFF: Thanks Chet.

CHRIS FARLEY: It’s a snuff film!

CHOP: I understand Judi Dench couldn’t be here tonight.

PIERRE: That’s right Chop. She has a prior commitment back in England and unfortunately won’t be joining us on this press tour. But she asked me to say how proud she was to be part of this production.

CHOP: David, let’s start with you. What attracted you to this film?

DAVID: Well Chet-

CHOP: Chop

DAVID: Chet, I was looking to do something I hadn’t done before. I wanted to stretch as an actor. And an onscreen real murder was too good to pass up.

CHOP: But weren’t you worried that you might end up getting killed? After all, Pierre wouldn’t reveal the victim to you until filming began.

CHRIS: It’s a snuff film!!!!!!

DAVID: Murder is something you always worry about as an actor.

PIERRE: I think that the fear of death is a powerful motivator, and it really came through onscreen. I have to give special credit to Judi. Her fear, her terror was palpable, right up till the end.

CHOP: I have to ask you again, who gets killed? Who is the victim of this snuff film?

PIERRE: I can only say that the audience won’t be disappointed.

CHOP: (Looking at the camera) Chris Farley, David Hasslehoff, and Dame Judi Dench star in Killing Judi Dench. I’d like to thank Director Pierre D. Brody, Chris Farley and David Hasslehoff for being here with me tonight. Find out who gets killed when Killing Judi Dench opens on June 18th.

 

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