The Treasure Chest of Terrible Toys: Homosexual Sci-Fi Toys

17 Nov

November 17, 2012

At the end of the post, at the end of the day, long after you’ve gone to sleep, one thought will be stuck in your head: “These toys are actually available on”

But that’s where I found them. These things can’t be legit, and I am sure that “fair use” does not extend to toys that are essentially repainted or shirtless major science fiction characters.

Well, I guess I teased them long enough. Let’s start with the pink Star Wars stormtroopers.

Yeah, Gay Empire figures from Suckadelic. I could not make that up if I wanted to.

OK, I could, but I wouldn’t.


Like I said, I found it on Amazon. Only $39.95. And hurry! Only 2 left in stock! Only $39.95? You can buy a regular stormtrooper for about $10 and a can of spray paint and save yourself about $15. On the other hand, this is a collectible that is sure to go way up in value so keep that thing mint on card.

“Suckadelic.” Did Beavis and Butthead name that company? Sheesh, on to the next round.

Thank goodness they got a better printer, that card almost looks professional, and that is more than I can say for the toys. “Kirk” and “Spock” appear to be the exact same jointless body with only the heads changed.

And no phaser or tricorder accessories? What’s up with that?

$200 for this? That’s $100 each, or maybe even $125 for Spock and $75 for Kirk. I’m discounting Shatner for his direction of Star Trek V, although with that script I wonder if Orson Welles could have made a good film.

SDCC means, by the way, San Diego Comic Con. This was some sort of Comic con exclusive. Wow, comic cons have changed a lot since I used to go.

How are these available on Amazon? How has no one gotten sued? There’s only 1 left, how have none of my readers scooped this up?

So if I were to take a Darth Vader figure and wrap a feather boa around his neck, or take a Klingon figure and put him in assless chaps, could I start a company and sell them for $100 each? And what would I call my company? I’m not sure I could beat Suckadelic. I might go more subtle and call my gay toy company Blow Hard.

Kirk and Spock were long the objects of homosexual stories, but stormtroopers? What’s gay about them? (Don’t answer that.)


8 Responses to “The Treasure Chest of Terrible Toys: Homosexual Sci-Fi Toys”

  1. zathra November 17, 2012 at 2:04 am #

    A lot of gay sci – fi fans have lobbied for gay sci – fi characters ( They wanted ST: TNG to have gay characters way back in the 80’s ) for a long time. As if having He – Man & Lion – O being homoerotic wasn’t enough.


    • bmj2k November 17, 2012 at 6:35 am #

      Sure, but that is very different than playing into a stereotype and painting a stormtrooper pink, or going for the lowest common denominator and taking an established character and putting out a bootleg shritless version.


      • zathra November 17, 2012 at 9:32 am #

        I’m surprised Suckadelic hasn’t gotten sued for copyright infringement, then, even if it doesn’t take much imagination to paint a stormtrooper pink or take the uniform shirts off of Kirk & Spock dolls..


  2. T E Stazyk November 17, 2012 at 2:21 am #

    Because I never plan to run for public office, I took the risk and googled Suckadelic. You don’t learn much about the corporate philosophy but you do get to surf the Super Suckstore which features incomprensible products. I love the corporate motto: “Wasting Your Money on Cheap Crap Since 1997.”

    I also learned that the evil genius behind Suckadelic is someone who calls himself the Sucklord. Here is his story–all becomes clear: .


    • bmj2k November 17, 2012 at 6:44 am #

      I had trouble focusing on anything but the huge hole in his shirt under the armpit.

      I have a friend who made his own bootleg clay Gumby characters and animated them into the worst, most cheaply made, disgusting claymation Gumby pornography you ever saw. Years later he made computer animated versions which I still have. It would make an amazing blog but I simply can’t post any of it, nor do I want to involve him so I have to end the story there.


    • zathra November 17, 2012 at 9:40 am #

      He sounds like 1 purely cynical, blatantly capitalistic, amoral little slimeball.


  3. Jimbo November 17, 2012 at 4:12 am #

    You might be surprised to know that ‘amazon’ in folk etymology means, “without breasts.”


    • bmj2k November 17, 2012 at 6:45 am #

      That was interesting. I knew the stpory of the Amazons cutting off a breast but I didn’t know the etymology of the word. There is a joke in there somwehere, I think.


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