Tag Archives: Amazon.com

What Will I Do With All That Money?

9 Feb

February 9, 2014

I’m going to have surgery next week.

What does this mean to you?

  • Possibly less blogs
  • Possibly better blogs due to influence of painkillers
  • Probably same old same old. Sorry, fans. Maybe even more.

What does this mean to me?

  • Possibly less blogging
  • Possibly less angry letters from irate readers who love Allan Keyes
  • Lego

Lego! Yes, Lego! I decided that during my 2-3 weeks of recovery, I am going to jump into the world of Lego and build things. I’m going to start with The Palace Cinema.



Looks great, huh? I’ll be sure to post pictures of my final build, missing pieces, broken Legos and all.

But where to buy it? I am medically not allowed to drive for the next month so going to the Lego store is out of the question. I have no choice but to shop online and contribute to the collapse of brick and mortar stores. And where does America go to destroy Mom and Pop stores? Amazon. Here’s what they charge:


Four cents? “You Save: $0.04”? REALLY? That’s it? FOUR CENTS? What the heck am I going to do with four freakin’ cents?

I could:

  • Uh
  • Um
  • Yeah….

So I figured I’d check out Lego.com. It is their product, their site, less overhead, so maybe I can get a better price.


Nope. Not a penny cheaper. In fact, there goes my four cents. I guess it comes down to shipping. With Amazon Prime I get free shipping. Let’s see what they charge for shipping here.


Hey, not bad!

So here’s what it comes down to:

Order from Amazon: Save 4 cents, get it faster with 2-day shipping.

Order from Lego: Pay 4 more cents, get it a couple of days later, get a free Lego.

There is no choice here: I’m ordering from Lego. Since for a couple of days after the operation I’ll be in a pain-killer fog, the extra days don’t matter. And a free Lego? Totally worth the 4 cents.

Sorry Amazon. My 2 cents says that your 4 cents isn’t enough to get me to order from you.



The Treasure Chest of Terrible Toys: Homosexual Sci-Fi Toys

17 Nov

November 17, 2012

At the end of the post, at the end of the day, long after you’ve gone to sleep, one thought will be stuck in your head: “These toys are actually available on amazon.com.”

But that’s where I found them. These things can’t be legit, and I am sure that “fair use” does not extend to toys that are essentially repainted or shirtless major science fiction characters.

Well, I guess I teased them long enough. Let’s start with the pink Star Wars stormtroopers.

Yeah, Gay Empire figures from Suckadelic. I could not make that up if I wanted to.

OK, I could, but I wouldn’t.


Like I said, I found it on Amazon. Only $39.95. And hurry! Only 2 left in stock! Only $39.95? You can buy a regular stormtrooper for about $10 and a can of spray paint and save yourself about $15. On the other hand, this is a collectible that is sure to go way up in value so keep that thing mint on card.

“Suckadelic.” Did Beavis and Butthead name that company? Sheesh, on to the next round.

Thank goodness they got a better printer, that card almost looks professional, and that is more than I can say for the toys. “Kirk” and “Spock” appear to be the exact same jointless body with only the heads changed.

And no phaser or tricorder accessories? What’s up with that?

$200 for this? That’s $100 each, or maybe even $125 for Spock and $75 for Kirk. I’m discounting Shatner for his direction of Star Trek V, although with that script I wonder if Orson Welles could have made a good film.

SDCC means, by the way, San Diego Comic Con. This was some sort of Comic con exclusive. Wow, comic cons have changed a lot since I used to go.

How are these available on Amazon? How has no one gotten sued? There’s only 1 left, how have none of my readers scooped this up?

So if I were to take a Darth Vader figure and wrap a feather boa around his neck, or take a Klingon figure and put him in assless chaps, could I start a company and sell them for $100 each? And what would I call my company? I’m not sure I could beat Suckadelic. I might go more subtle and call my gay toy company Blow Hard.

Kirk and Spock were long the objects of homosexual stories, but stormtroopers? What’s gay about them? (Don’t answer that.)

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