July 14, 2020
The New York City subway system needs no introduction. Trust me, I wrote a lengthy one for this post and later edited it all out. (You’re welcome.)
Before the events of this post, like anyone else who ever rode the NYC subway, I’ve seen a lot of nasty stuff and a lot of crazy stuff. (A couple of homeless people having sex at the Astor Street 6 train station comes to mind, unfortunately.) The one that takes the title of Craziest Thing I Ever Saw On The Train was a leather-clad dominatrix leading her bondage dressed slave- complete with Gimp mask- by a dog leash. She took a seat on the bench and the slave sat on the floor between her legs, like a dog.
(Don’t make the mistake I did. Take a few minutes to decide if you want to google that, and then make sure your search filter is on.)
I began the day on the Metro North. This is not the subway, it is a regional rail system that starts at Grand Central Station and goes to various Northeast points through New York and Connecticut. It is like Amtrak, with comfortable cushioned seats and conductors who walk through the train punching passengers tickets, like they did in 1942. You don’t buy a Metro Card and pass through a turnstile, you get a ticket and settle back for a long ride through the region. It is for travelers and commuters. People go to work or school. On weekends people ride into Manhattan. You never see homeless people or general craziness.
But on this day I did.
The train pulled into Fordham, which is in the Bronx and the station is located right by the University. I’ve been riding this train for nearly three years and for the first time I saw a homeless guy get on the train complete with a shopping cart full of crap.
He was not wearing a shirt, his paints were stained with a, um, brown substance running down the back, and of course he was not wearing a mask which everyone employed by Metro North tells you that you must wear of you cannot ride. But this guy? No shirt, no mask, but service!
That’s him. I took that picture at New Rochelle.
As he got on the train, his cart got caught in the gap between the train and the platform. He gave it a tug and it bounced into the train, forcing the guy backwards and right into the conductor, who had been standing behind him watching him and for some reason not saying a word. The conductor flew back into the opposite door and stumbled and fell to the ground. The homeless guy looked at him and very aggressively yelled “ex-cuse me. Ex-cuse me.”
So the conductor, who had watched this wreck bumble onto the train, been knocked down and yelled at, asked “can I see your ticket?”
“I ain’t got no ticket!”
The train still hadn’t left the station and I fully expected the conductor to call the cops. But no. The conductor and the creep got into a argument that ended with the conductor walking away after a stern warning. “This is the last time I let you ride without a ticket.”
My ticket that morning cost $17, round trip.
I got off the train at New Rochelle and of course, so did the homeless guy, which is how I got that picture. I had to get off the train from the opposite end as he and his cart left no room and I did not want to get within smelling distance of him.
That afternoon I was at the the station going home and who did I see but the same guy, now going in the opposite direction. I guess his business day was done as now the cart was gone, He had changed into a dirty pair of pajama pants and still no shirt. I made sure to get into a different car.
—
My commute home does not end when the Metro North pulls into Grand Central. I get the subway there, the 6 train first then the D. It used to be a crowded ride but nowadays the trains are very empty so I have no trouble getting a seat- socially distant, of course.
This is the same day as the events above. I was sitting on the train and a guy wanders over to look at the map. I say wanders because for a narrow train he managed to take a very circuitous route, swaying back and forth, going in one direction then another, looking everywhere but where he was going. He managed to get to the map, about three feet away from me, and studied it very carefully. He had no mask, of course, but very helpfully had one around his forehead. He was frankly disgusting. His arms and legs were covered with two things- awful homemade tattoos and open scabs and sores.
After I stopped staring at him I noticed that map he was studying was just the blank wall of the car.
The guy sat down, yes, about 2 seats away from me. I was ready to move but I did not want to just jump up and leave since you never know what may set off a guy like this. I said he sat because his rear was in the seat, but the rest of him was swaying, waving his arms, dancing, pointing at imaginary things, and the whole time he was rapidly talking to someone only he could see. But that wasn’t a problem as he was only mouthing the words.
Like I said, I was planning my exit when the guy reached into his bag and pulled out a homemade crackpipe and lit up. He smoked crack right on the train, right next to me. THAT was a new one for me.
That was also enough for me. I got up and as I started to move, so did he. Thankfully, he took no notice of me at all and at that moment the train pulled into the station and he lurched off the train.
Aggressive homeless guy on the Metro North that morning, crack smoking infected loon on the subway in the afternoon
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Well someone took pity on me that day. When I finally, mercifully got off the train, I saw a crowd on the elevated station looking at the street and taking pictures. It was a car accident and luckily no one got hurt. The accident itself put a smile on my face because it was so odd and unusual. I had never seen an accident just like this.
Like I said, no one was hurt, The driver of the red car was fine, and was texting the whole time. (Maybe that caused the accident?)
I had three firsts in one day. I never want another day like that.
Mr. Blog's Tepid Ride 
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