In the Spring a young man’s fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love. – Alfred Lord Tennyson
All human males were as fascinated with cars as they were with breasts. – Anita Clenney
You don’t know the half of it. – Mr. Blog.
*Sigh* Aren’t you glad you subscribe to this blog?
Anyway, this really is a touching story, somehow, I think. Consider other tales of man/car love: Michael Knight and KITT, Al Bundy and his Dodge, the Duke boys and the General Lee. In not one of those cases did the car reciprocate. Bo and Luke never got flowers from their car, no matter how nicely they polished the bumpers. But this guy? “When I hold Vanilla [his special lovemobile] in my arms there’s a powerful energy that comes from her in response to that…” Really? Somehow I doubt that. Personally, I think he’s inhaled too much exhaust.
How will Cinnamon and Splash, his spurned lovers, deal with this? The question is Imponderable.
If I won the lottery, for millions of dollars, maybe 500 million of them then I’d buy a house, buy my mom a house, quit my job, buy a solid gold toilet, yada yada yada, all the usual stuff people say they’d do. Sure, I’d pay off my credit cards, invest in the stock market, ride a hippo in the Kentucky Derby, all the usual things people do when they become filthy stinking rich.
But that’s not my dream.
I’d speed down the highway. wind whipping my hair, enjoying the envious stares of the other drivers, as I zoom past them in the coolest car in the world.
The Batmobile.
There is NO COOLER CAR IN THE WORLD.
Sure, I considered other cars.
The A-Team van? Too enclosed. No one would see whooping and hollering.
Magnum’s Ferrari? (OK, Robin Masters’ Ferrari.) Very cool, but still just a Ferrari.
KITT? Only if I could use the turbo boost to jump over traffic.
The General Lee? Not without shooting dynamite arrows out the window, and that might get me into too much trouble.
And The Millennium Falcon? Not technically a car.
And if I were driving the Batmobile, I would finally have a legitimate reason to wear a cape.
I’d drive the Batmobile down the highway just to see the look of envy on every other driver’s face. All those mooks in their Hyundai’s and Ford Fairlanes, drooling over the Batmobile, wishing they were me, wearing my cape, zooming down the highway, with somebody dressed as Robin in the front seat, or maybe just a classy escort I rented for the day (hey, I’m rich!) I’d get the whole thing on YouTube, it would go viral, and I’d do it again the next day. Unless it was raining. There’s no top on the Batmobile. That’s why Batman never fought crime in bad weather, and you just know that if it rained and he opened up an umbrella, it would be one the Penguin’s rigged explosive umbrellas.
Oh yes, to be rich. I can just picture it now.
That could be me! What a great Batman I’d make. OK, I’d probably break a lot of traffic laws and definitely wouldn’t stop any crimes, but my dream isn’t to tangle with the Riddler, it’s to zoom down the highway in the Batmobile. So you can take you other lottery dreams (flying to the moon, buying an island in the Pacific) and forget it. I’ve got you beat.
Mr. Blog's Tepid Ride 
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