Tag Archives: French fries

Rise Of The Confused Food

28 Apr

April 28, 2017

There is a whole genre of confused food out there. People take perfectly good food and stuff other perfectly good food inside it. For example, the turducken. That’s a turkey with a duck stuffed inside it and a chicken stuffed inside of the duck. Sounds good, right? RIGHT??? Nah, it sounds awful. Who came up with the idea of eating a chicken rogering a duck while it’s rogering a turkey? That’s just wrong.

But it gets worse. Take, for example, Pizza Pops.

Is it pizza? Is it a pop? No, it is neither. It is a Jamaican beef patty stuffed with poutine.

Just what you expected, right? RIGHT???

Poutine is a Canadian food but don’t hold that against it. It’s French fries, which are as American as pizza, covered in gravy, which Americans drown everything in, and cheese, which Americans spell cheez. It actually sounds pretty good. But why oh why stuff it in a pastry? Who thought “I really like this poutine but it would be so much better if it was stuffed inside something?”

And to top it off, Pillsbury has the nerve to call this poutine-filled Jamaican beef patty a “pizza pop.” From what planet is Pillsbury beaming this stuff to Earth?

Meanwhile, Taco Bell has made a whole industry of serving food stuffed inside other food.

THIS IS HOW CHILDREN EAT

Is it too hard to eat a plate of bacon and eggs and a hash brown?

Taco Bell is food for people who don’t like themselves.
Taco Bell is food for people who don’t like food.
I’m just going to say it. Taco Bell is awful. At its best it is embarrassing. I guess it is edible but that may be a matter best left to medical professionals.

I know there are plenty of people out there who eat Taco Bell, but there are also plenty of fully grown people out there who dress up like My Little Pony and get led around on leashes and they are making bad life choices too.

Meanwhile, in other vile food, Taco Bell is using fried chicken as a taco shell.

What is wrong with you people? Why would you eat this? What’s next- wrapping a T-bone steak around some low-grade shredded taco filling and pretending it’s haute cuisine?

And since when did chicken become bread? Here’s KFC’s newest “sandwich.”

What is going on here???????

.

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Imponderable #39: Germany

9 Mar

March 9, 2012

I am well aware that when I write about art I often come off as a cranky old man. I am not old but yes, I fully admit to the cranky part. However, before you prepare to dismiss this Imponderable as the ravings of someone who does not appreciate art, read this story and ask yourself if this man deserves the equivalent of over  $2,600.

While I grudgingly admit that yes, a couple of gold French fries is art, I call shenanigans (a more polite term than bullshit) on the description of it as “the metamorphosis of a profane, everyday object into a sacred artwork.” I’m sorry, it is a couple of French fries.

The disgusting part is not that the original fries that “inspired” the work was lost by the gallery, but that a court ruled that they were worth over $2,600 Euros, plus interest. These are two year-old potatoes. Were they encased in plastic? Preserved in amber? Pumped full of preservatives? I mean pumped full of more preservatives than French fries already are. And what was so special about those particular fries anyway? Most fries look alike. Some are crinkle cut, some are shoestring, some have skin left on, but get a large fries with your Happy Meal and they all look pretty much the same.

As I said, the golden fries are art. Unless the original spuds were part of some display and connected to the golden fries in some sort of artistic piece, and even if they were they can be easily replaced, they are not art.

Are a couple of fries that you can buy at McDonald’s for about a buck really worth $2,600?

The question is Imponderable.

And this is yet more proof that when you mix Germany and France bad things happen.

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Newer Entries →