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Tag Archives: Celebrity Apprentice

My Review of The New Celebrity Apprentice 2017 with Ahhnold

4 Jan

January 4, 2017

5834b68573af0-image

What’s the deal with the horse?

My review of the New Celebrity Apprentice with Arnold Schwarzenegger:

It stinks.

Good night everybody! You’ve been great!

mic-drop

This season Arnold Schwarzenegger (you try typing that) has taken over as boss. Donald Trump was unavailable for some reason. 

OK, let’s be real. The show does totally stink, but this year it can’t be solely blamed on the horrible contestants, whom I’ll get to in a minute. The blame has to land squarely on Arnold Schwarzenegger’s bulky shoulders. He’s terrible. Awful. Not funny, not intimidating, just boring. I have a lot more fun at home doing a bad Arnold impression in my living room. (Imagine this in an Arnold voice.) “Now is the time for you to tell who is the one I should fire now or I will ram my fist into your stomach!” “Women’s team, I am going to ask you some questions, and I want you to answer them immediately! Who’s your daddy, and what does he do?” 

In fact, just by using this Arnold soundboard you can create a better boardroom experience all by yourself.: https://celebdial.com/c/arnold-schwarzenegger Try it! It’s a blast.

I should also note that Arnold (“in here you call me ‘Governor'”)  is accompanied by his nephew, Petey, I think, who has an accent that’s almost but not quite as funny as his uncle’s.

Meanwhile, instead of picking a catchphrase (“you’re fired” having been taken) and sticking with it, he used at least three in the opening double episode. “You’re terminated”, “get to the chopper”, and “hasta la vista, baby.” I’m waiting for week 13 when he’s run of out good ones and is stuck with something from Hercules Goes Bananas

Meanwhile, who are the celebrities? 
I don’t know. I can identify a few of them, and a couple might even qualify as celebrities, but seriously? I’ll let you decide for yourself.

Jon Lovitz. Perhaps the biggest name in the cast. Let that sink in. Personally, I liked him on SNL. Loved him as Satan.

lovitz-satan

Kyle Richards. Thought she was a dude with that name. She’s a Real Housewife of Somewhere Low Classy or Other.
Chael Sonnen. A mixed martial arts guy. I don’t think he said a word in the entire show last night. 
Boy George and Vince Neil. Vince drinks. George does not. HILARITY ENSUES! (NOTE: Hilarity does not ensue.)
Laila Ali: Muhammad Ali’s daughter. Also allegedly a TV host. Have you seen her hosting something?
Snooki. She is surprisingly low-key and sober.

snookie-arrest

And by the way, congratulations to Snooki for the weight loss, but I think she looked better before.
Ricky Williams, Eric Dickerson, and Lisa Leslie. Athletes. Lisa Leslie was in the WNBA. (Not making a joke, just an observation.)
Carson Kressley. Used to be one of the Queer Eye for the Straight Guy guys. I liked him on the show last night, and he seems to be doing a pro job. But at the end of the day, what is he known for? What did he do to be famous? He’s famous for being gay, which seems really unfair to all the other gay folks out there.
Porsha Williams. Another Real Housewife of Somewhere Low Classy or Other, but a different place than the other one.
Carrie Keagan. Who? Doesn’t matter, she was first to go.
Carnie Wilson. Once known for being in Wilson Phillips, now known for her seesaw weight. Doesn’t matter, she was next to go.
Matt Iseman. Another one I never heard of before. He hosts American Ninja Warrior, which would be a feather in any child’s cap. So far I like him.
Brooke Burke-Charvet. She was a bigger name when she was just Brooke Burke. Big name on the E! Channel, which means she’s a star on a cable channel most people neither watch nor want.

Meanwhile, I’ll give Arnold the last word: “Get your ass to Mars!” (Total Recall, and soon to be a catchphrase.)

 

 

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American Chopper 2016: Presidential Edition

23 Feb

February 23, 2016

tepid 2016

Wow, everything old is new again. It has been a very long time since I did an American Chopper Weekly Rundown, but just like it is time to Make America Great Again, as somebody somewhere keeps saying, it is time to Make Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride Great Again too. And what better way than to bring back one of our all-time favorite blowhards?

Wait, am I talking about Paul Teutul Sr. or Donald Trump?

Frankly, what’s the difference?
-they have both been covered extensively in this blog- weekly rundowns of both American Chopper and The Celebrity Apprentice
-they both yell a lot
-Trump’s hair may or may not be any better than Paul Sr.’s neck beard

Trump also had the pleasure of firing Paul Sr. on The Apprentice, a pleasure I wish we could all have once in our lifetime.

celebrity_apprentice_2012

Anyway, Paul Sr. today publicly made his endorsement for President: Bob Dole, who at age 92 is not running. Upon being informed of that fact, Paul officially endorsed Donald Trump in a video you can find on Trump’s Facebook page, twitter account, and pretty much anywhere else with his name slapped on it. It is understated and subtle, as befits these two quiet and dignified gentlemen.

https://www.facebook.com/DonaldTrump/videos/10156674068880725/

In a video released to Facebook this afternoon, Paul Teutul Sr. urges everyone to vote Trump for president. In the short clip, Paul Sr. is shown in his workshop explaining how he first met Donald Trump on “The Tonight Show” and went on to work for the presidential candidate on “The Celebrity Apprentice.”

Talking about his experience on Trump’s reality show, Teutul says that “nothing but greatness” was expected from him, and that Trump also expects greatness from his family and the people around him.

While pointing at the camera, Teutul says that he believes Trump will make America great again and urges everyone to cast their vote for his former “Apprentice” boss. Trump posted the video on his own official Facebook page this afternoon.

Read More: Paul Sr. From Orange County Choppers Endorses Trump

I only wish I could see the bloopers and alternate takes. I bet he calls Hillary numb nuts and takes unnecessary shots at his son, Paul Jr.

Meanwhile, for another perspective, here is an unnecessary photo of Paul Sr. in a dress from an episode of American Chopper.

I can explain it but I won’t.

PAUL SR DRESS

 

 

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