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Tag Archives: booty

I Answer Google’s Insane Job Interview Questions

5 Dec

December 5, 2016

Google sounds like a great place to work. But how hard is it to get a job there? Until recently, Google interviewers asked applicants a series of ridiculous and inane questions to, well, um… OK, I really have no clue what the point of these interrogations was. But here, from IFLScience, are some of the unbelievable questions Google is now banned from asking, and my answers. It is my opinion that they were never actually interested in the answers, but wanted see how fast, creative, and intelligent the applicants were.

iflscience

How many golf balls can fit in a school bus?
That depends on how many I can fit in my pockets without the clerk in the pro shop catching me.

Explain the significance of “dead beef.”
That’s a mafia expression. It means that the “beef,” or dispute, is “dead,” or finished, since both guys got whacked.

How many piano tuners are there in the entire world?
Only one, but he’s the best.

You’re the captain of a pirate ship… and your crew gets to vote on how the gold is divided up. If fewer than half of the pirates agree with you, you die. How do you recommend apportioning the gold in such a way that you get a good share of the booty, but still survive?
I’d give them the bulk- 3/4 of the loot and a pep talk about how they deserve it, how hard they work, yada yada yada. They’d have to split the gold between 15 or 20 guys, and my 1/4 would still be a heck of a lot more than anyone else has.

pirate

Design an evacuation plan for San Francisco.
Get out!

You are given 2 eggs… You have access to a 100-story building. Eggs can be very hard or very fragile means it may break if dropped from the first floor or may not even break if dropped from 100th floor. Both eggs are identical. You need to figure out the highest floor of a 100-story building an egg can be dropped without breaking. The question is how many drops you need to make. You are allowed to break 2 eggs in the process.
I am sorry but I cannot answer this question since I am allergic to eggs.

How much should you charge to wash all the windows in Seattle?
$10,000 per window because I really don’t want the job. But if anyone is silly enough to hire me, I’d happily wash windows at that rate.

There are more. Now It’s your turn. How would you answer these?

Explain a database in three sentences to your eight-year-old nephew.

You are shrunk to the height of a nickel… and your mass is proportionally reduced so as to maintain your original density. You are then thrown into an empty glass blender. The blades will start moving in 60 seconds. What do you do?

You have eight balls all of the same size… 7 of them weigh the same, and one of them weighs slightly more. How can you find the ball that is heavier by using a balance and only two weighings?

A man pushed his car to a hotel and lost his fortune. What happened?

How many times a day does a clock’s hands overlap?

You need to check that your friend, Bob, has your correct phone number…but you cannot ask him directly. You must write the question on a card which and give it to Eve who will take the card to Bob and return the answer to you. What must you write on the card, besides the question, to ensure Bob can encode the message so that Eve cannot read your phone number?

Why are manhole covers round?

 

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Random Mumblings

25 Nov

November 25, 2014

Just some random thoughts.

I don’t know if Bill Cosby is guilty of not. I get the feeling he is, in at least some of those cases, but I can’t really say, that’s just an opinion. But here comes Cos complaining that the media is out to destroy him. Really? The media? The same media that made him a beloved star for as long as I’ve been alive. The same media that made him America’s Dad and barely covered past allegations against him. What did they do wrong now, besides cover a legitimate news story? Cos, I’d get it if you blamed the accusers, I’d understand if you got angry at having your shows dropped, I even agree that a lot of the things said against you are unsubstantiated or unproven. But what do you want them to do when a parade of women keep coming forward with allegations against you? You’re a smart guy, Cos, keep your mouth shut. (And, if my suspicions are right, keep it in your pants too.)

151784-bill-cosby-as-cliff-huxtable

NYC’s new speed limit is 25 mph, down from 30. Yes, it saves lives, no debate. But man, it’s slow! All I have to do is take my foot off the brake and my car is doing 25 before I ever get near the gas. But I’m not going to advocate for raising the limit, what I want is for the streetlights to be recalibrated. The lights are now set for a car traveling a certain speed to be able to get from one green light to another (when synchronized correctly, that is) before it turns red. But now, with cars going slower (and some real idiot drivers don’t even go as fast as 20 anymore) you hit red light after red light. someone please fix the signals!

l_20130812-fast-lane-1200

Al Sharpton owes about 4.5 million in taxes, and his defense was that he didn’t father an illegitimate son. And it worked! The tax story immediately disappeared. Why can’t the media hound ol’ Rev. Al the way Cosby says they hound him?

I know this is a very old picture, but how could I not use it?

I know this is a very old picture, but how could I not use it?

Every once in a while I’ll get on twitter and poke fun at Mulaney, that show that FOX  stubbornly claims is a sitcom. And you know what? I tried, I really tried, but that show is awful. I mean “I’d rather watch The Real on FOX” awful.

Now I canceled Mulaney!

Now I canceled Mulaney!

And lastly, what’s with all the female singers singing about their booty? If I had a daughter I’d be really upset about the message they’re sending. Used to be bad when men objectified woman down to a body part, but women win Grammy Awards for doing it to themselves? Sad. And the less said about Kim Kardashian’s rear-end mountain the better.

grammy-broken

And while I’m on the subject of music, if Taylor Swift is the best they can do, “in six months we’ll be running this planet,” said one Taylor to another.

planet-of-the-apes-taylor-landon-dodge

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