Archive | January, 2014

What’s Next For Dennis Rodman?

9 Jan

January 9, 2014

Dennis rodman sure is making headlines with his North Korean Love Tour. He’ singing Happy Birthday to a brutal dictator, he’s dropping F-bombs and screaming at reporters on CNN, and he’s making the rest of his NBA aging all-stars rethink their life choices.

When he returns to the USA he has a lot of options for his next move. We here at BTR/Gossip have EXCLUSIVELY learned that he’s planning a jailhouse visit to Bernie Madoff, as well as a trip to Cuba to party with Raul Castro. But even worse, I hear he’s planning on deflowering Honey Boo Boo when she comes of age.

Well, the Editors and Staff of Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride say “why not us?”

Hey, Kim Jung-Un threw his uncle to the dogs? I’ll throw Allan Keyes to the rabid wolverines. How about that, Rodman?

3/4 of North Korea has no electricity? I’ve been running Mr. BTR on candle power for years.

I don’t need a team of all-stars or a Happy Birthday serenade. Show up, take a few pics, we’ll share some wings, and we’ll get about a billion hits for bmj2k.com. That’s what it’s all about.

See you soon Dennis!

rodman clap

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And In Other News…

8 Jan

January 8, 2014

The homepage for my email (no Outlook or Gmail for me, brother!) has several helpful links, most of which I totally ignore. In particular, it has some news headlines (sandwiched amongst the ads) but none of them are complete. I never click on them. I prefer to get my news straight from the source: my Uncle Bertie. If it happens on my block, he knows it. Anyway, in the interest of filling up another sad blog entertainment, I decided to complete the stories. Here we go! (Fake excitement!)

headlines

TOP NEWS HEADLNES

Bigfoot’s corpse? Hunter says he’s got a freezer full of Sasquatch steaks and Yeti burgers. “Tastes like chicken!”

Racist baby slapper gets eight months in E! Television reality show deal. In a press release, E! described the show as “a reality show with a twist, where racist babies get what’s coming to them.”

Jet almost hits…UFO? NFL sources state that the New York Jets quarterback Geno Smith is more likely to hit a UFO than his receivers with his shaky arm.

Body parts fall from the sky in Saudi Arabia, as usual.

Serious problem in the ocean: Sardines lose keys to cans, can’t get out.

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ENTERTAINMENT

SNL finally lands black actress. This was much harder than landing a marlin or a tuna, executives admit. Next challenge: How to fillet her.

Sheen: Marriage tweet just a joke to annoy the four people who still follow me on Twitter.

Madonna posts picture of son, 13, holding his report card, showing four A’s and a B+. “I’ve never been more shocked by Madonna!”, cries internet.

Katy Perry demands: Dried figs. That’s all. Just a simple can of figs.

10 most charitable celebrities immeasurably smug.

 

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