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Archive | 12:00 am

DEPORT JUSTIN BIEBER!

25 Jan

January 25, 2014

He may not be the biggest scourge facing the nation, but America can use a pick-me-up and nothing would make us happier than to kick this guy’s butt right out of the country. Sorry Canada, but it is time for you to take care of your own trash.

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Look, I admit that he’s not a serial killer and he’s never blown up a church, but unlike Kanye West, we can get rid of this guy. Egging houses, drag races, peeing in buckets in public, drinking, drugs, bad tattoos, etc, it all adds up to one thing- he’s a douche. And while Miley Cyrus is just as bad, we can’t deport her. So for the greater good, toss him back over the border. And while I can’t come out and advocate that we cut his vocal cords and chemically castrate him, well, accidents happen. (DISCLOSURE: The Editor’s and Staff of Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride do not advocate violence, no matter how many times we advocate violence, WINK WINK  NUDGE NUDGE.) OK, so maybe some immature 14 year old girls may cry, but don’t worry, they’ll move on to One Direction soon.

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ATTENTION LINDSAY LOHAN: You haven’t dropped off my radar yet. The fact that you didn’t make this list doesn’t make you any less annoying, just less relevant. You are still number one on my list to be mopping the floors at McDonald’s, third shift, as part of your 15th rehab. (Probably in the next few months.)

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