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Archive | 8:57 pm

American Chopper: CHOPPER LIVE! (Part 1)

10 Dec

December 10, 2012

Keep checking in as I will update this as the show progresses.

For the (next to) last time…

build off

chopper live logo

Chopper Live: Road to Revenge – (American Chopper Special)
Competing to build the best bike, Junior, Senior, Jesse and the Fast N’ Loud guys bring their unique designs to life. But relentless trash talk and ridiculous pranks raise the stakes and threaten to knock everyone off course

TWO HOURS tonight of “relentless trash talk and ridiculous pranks.” OH BOY! When people ask me why I don’t like the show that way I used to, that’s the answer. I can’t even complain that it stopped being about bikes, that happened a long time ago.

Despite being called “live,” this show is not live. Go figure. Tomorrow night is live.

MY WINNING PICKS:
 Jesse James- no chance.
 Senior- has a chance if A- he builds a bike this time around and B- the fans have been fooled into having some sympathy for him.
 Fast N’ Loud- I think the new guys might win in a sort of passing the torch moment.
 Paulie- will probably win again.

Senior is taking it seriously and building a motorcycle, and when I hear Jason say things like “it saves us both time and money” I remind you of my prediction: he’s the next OCC boss, mark my words. Senior loves him like the son he always wanted.

Meanwhile, it seems like Jesse James is in everyone’s head, since every other team has been talking about him. Yet, and I’ll say it, Jesse James continues to come across like a total ass. The less of him the better.

PJD is doing a classic car theme, from the 1930’s or 40’s. The logic is they want to beat the other guys at their own game- FNL (easier to type that way) predominantly works on cars and Senior owns dozens of classic cars.

FNL wants to build a real motorcycle, a Harley, without the bells and whistles or extra aftermarket stuff, just a bad ass, real bike.

Jesse James said some stuff too, but he talks slowly like he is always stoned so I tend to tune him out.

So after a segment of PJD working on their bike, we get a OCC prank segment. Sigh.

Future OCC boss Jason calls Senior to his office because he wants to prank the FNL guys. Yes, the bike “drawer” called the boss off the floor to make  prank call. Meanwhile, for all their trash talk, the FNL guys have tried to, largely, be above the nonsense.

Meanwhile, if the twitterverse matters, it seems that the tweets (picked by Discovery, so take this with a grain of salt) running at the bottom of the screen seems to be in Paulie’s favor.

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One thing I will say about Jesse, when he isn’t being an idiot, he talks bikes like we never heard on this show. I wonder if, honestly, given the exact same parts and tools, Senior could do what he does.

Senior is building what looks like a, at least from the drawing they showed, stretched out futuristic thing which, and I am calling it, is a loser.

Then we get a FNL vs. PJD prank battle with each imitating the other.

It is now 9:50 and this has more or less been a pretty average episode of American Chopper, but then I realize that I don’t have ten minutes left, I have an hour and ten minutes left.

OH, the Jack Reacher sneak peek! While I have never read a Jack Reacher book, everyone I know who has expects Tom Cruise to suck. I expect that too, simply because I have no respect for his acting.

The OCC bike is turning out to be overdone, overdesigned, overdetailed, just too much. I like the FNL and Jesse James ideas of just doing a real bike, really well.

Hearing Senior and Jason call the FNL guys “Stupid and Stupider” is hysterical, especially considering this:

I started this post by complaining about the lack of bike building over the last few years. Ironically, despite all the dumb pranks, there has been a ton of bike building on this show, mostly by Jesse James.

Meanwhile, the more I see Paulie’s bike, the more I agree with Jesse James and FNL. The bike isn’t looking much like a bike, it has so much non-bike, non-necessary afterthoughts that I am leaning toward FNL over Paulie, although their bike has a ton of pink on it.

Meanwhile, give Fast N’ Loud credit. They were the only guys to finish their bike on schedule. Jesse James needed another two weeks, OCC was going to have to forego an important part of their build, and PJD wasn’t finished either, although they rightly felt that if the had extra time, they’d like to had it earlier in the process. Everyone got two more weeks, which rightfully upset the FNL crew.

Senior took the finished bike out for a ride, and you can vote however you like, but it looks like an overgrown toy. Fail. Of course, that isn’t what OCC is good at, it is lousy pranks, which is what they moved on to next, blowing up dummies of the Fast N’ Loud guys. Or not. They really didn’t explode very much. These pranks are getting as old as Senior.

Jesse James ended up doing the opposite of what he kept saying he would. It is a weird-looking thing that does not look like a normal bike. Senior built an overgrown toy. Paulie built a nice looking bike that is all style over substance. My vote goes to Fast N’ Loud for making a clean, real, bike.

TOMORROW: NOT THE END OF THE AMERICAN CHOPPER ERA
Chopper Live: The Revenge – (American Chopper Live Special)
Senior, Junior, Jesse James and the Fast N’ Loud guys compete in a rematch of the ultimate bike build-off.  You voted.  Now find out the results in a live throwdown hosted by Sal Masekela at the Hard Rock Hotel in Las Vegas

Who is Sal Masekela?

According to wikipedia, “Selema MabenaSalMasekela (born August 28, 1971) is an American television host, sports commentator, actor, and singer.”

Skip ahead to 2:49 and watch to 2:55 in this clip to see my reaction.

Oh no they didn’t.

Discovery just advertised ONE LAST episode of American Chopper for next week. One more time, one more time. I swear I thought the Build-Off was the end!

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SAVE US CAPTAIN JET, SAVE US!

10 Dec

December 10, 2012

keyes1.jpg
Sports fans were rocked by the news that Jets super fan “Fireman Ed” had retired citing……something or other.  I couldn’t be bothered to really read about it. It’s not like Lou Gehrig’s retirement speech. For those of you outside of New York or with lives, Fireman Ed was some old sourpuss in a fireman’s hat who led the J-E-T-S  JETSJETSJETS! chant at Giants stadium, the home of the Superbowl Champion Giants (oh yeah, and the Jets also). He recently announced he was stepping down from his super fan position, quite possibly the first recorded instance of this sort of thing ever happening, because it’s just too stupid for words really.

     fireman ed                  

So with the void left by the “retirement” from a voluntary and non-existent job of being an overenthusiastic sports fan, tens of bored Jets fans cast their thoughts on the question – who will be the next “super fan” to lead the Jets?

Ladies and Gentlemen, wonder no more! I give you……………………………CAPTAIN JET (No, really):

 captain jet

There’s a lot to process here folks, so I made a helpful guide for you:

 Captain Jet - Meet Fireman Ed's Replacement!

 

….yeah, I know, I know.  I’m not even gonna make a further comment on this guy, except to note that he at least gives it his awful all.

Here’s a poseur spotted at that same game that needs to take a few lessons and up his act:

 UR DOING IT WRONG

 

Pretty sad really for both of these guys. They pale in comparison to the coolest football fans evah……the denizens of the Oakland Raiders “Black Hole”

 black hole1

So…..when does baseball season start again?

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